A Poem

Yesterday, as I rode my bike to drop some things off at a friend's house, I started writing this poem in my head. I shared it on facebook, but I thought it might make a good blog post too. 

My bike inches 

slowly behind as traffic 

writhes and wriggles it's way

down the soi of many 

names: Market Street,

Soi Prem, Ha Baht Road, though

no one calls it that anymore since

Sib Baht Road doesn't roll

off the tongue

in the same way.

We slither along to

the sounds of som tam and curry

paste, wafts of coconut rice and

fried chicken, the array of produce a sea

of color in the evening sun. 

The woman in front of me 

has several dozen eggs

strapped to the back 

of her moto. Are they

hard boiled? I doubt it,

she creeps along, slower 

even than I. Rush

hour on the back roads 

in Bangkok. 

Terrified excitement

It's been a busy week for a lot of reasons and I haven't been feeling great and as a result I've slept roughly 22 of the past 48 hours.  And something tells me I'll still go to bed on time tonight.  And while I know for some of you that sounds like absolute heaven (and believe me, to a degree, it is) it's also increibly frustrating for me.  It's the in-your-face reminder of my limits, which in this particular area, are somewhat "closer in" than most peoples.  It's the reminder that I can't quite keep up and can't quite do what "everyone else" does.  And of course, I hate that. [and yes, my thyroid levels and meds are frequently checked and that is not the problem here] 

In the past few weeks my efforts to prepare for my new position in K4 have stepped up quite a bit. I'm spending time every week observing the K4 and K5 classrooms, making lists of what I need and then trying to figure out where and how to get it all, going through storage to sort through the items from the last time the school had two K4 classrooms.  Thinking and and scheming and dreaming and planning for my classroom next year is taking a greater role in my life and it is soooo fun and exciting and terrifying all at once.  

It's scary to leave something that you know you're good at to challenge yourself with something that you think you could be equally as good at, but that is also quite new and the experience you do have is some years ago.  But mostly what terrifies me is not whether or not I'll enjoy it (I've worked enough with the age group to know that I will) nor whether or not I'll hold my own to do a decent job (I have mentors and examples past and present who have taught me so much). No, what terrifies me is that it will absolutely suck the life out of me and leave me dead on the floor.  

I know that in the first weeks and months I am going to have to be kind to myself and not expect too much out of myself outside of the work day.  I know that I am going to have to learn how to better control my intensity and energy output during the day instead of getting so into it that I'm spent by lunch time.  I know that there will always be days when I practically crawl home- that even happens now.  But my prayer is that I will be able to manage and pace myself and seek moments of solitude at lunch and otherwise care for my introverted self in ways that do not cost me my entire social life and routine.  Weekends like this make me nervous because they remind me that it doesn't take much to completely wipe me out and send me into hibernation mode, but in the same breath I am so filled with hope and joy and plans for next year that I am determined to make it work.  One day at a time. 

Back to the Blogosphere

It's been awhile since I have blogged, I know. But I am sitting down to do so tonight for two reasons. 

1. I have been wanting to get back into it for months

2. I didn't feel like going to the gym today, so I told myself I could only stay home if I a) made granola and b) wrote a blog post.  The granola is in the oven.  

I never really intended to stop writing in the first place.  When I got back from Japan in late October I wrote a long post complete with pictures, but the Blogger App randomly shut down without saving it and I just didn't have the energy to ever write it again.  And then one thing led to another, and it was March already.  I have a few half written posts from the last few months, but nothing ever made it to publication. 

So what's new?  Lots! 

Japan in October was awesome, beautiful, delicious, inspiring, chilly, and fun.  I loved it. An entire nation that was efficient and organized.  It made me want to go to Switzerland even more. 

November was the month of 'should I stay or should I go?' contract decision making. I chose to stay at ICS at least one more year.  

In early December I ran my first (and maybe last) half marathon.  I went to Angkor Wat (Cambodia) for 24 hours with two friends to run 13.1 miles in the tropical heat.  I finished. It wasn't pretty the last 1.5 miles or so, but I finished.  

I spent late December and early January in Michigan; Christmas at home for the first time in three years.  It was a wonderful jam-packed time with family and friends in Detroit, Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, and Holland. The weather was pretty kind to me with fairly mild temps most of the time and very little snow.  

When I returned to Thailand in January I had two lovely days at the beach with a dear friend from my skating days before returning to work. My first day back at school was decision deadline again, as I had talked with the school in Decembr about possibly changing teaching positions.  I decided to go ahead and make a change!  Next year I will be moving to the elementary building to teach our K4 class.  K4 means 4 year old Kindergarten, or what we would call Pre-K.  I am so excited for this new challenge and adventure! 

February, like most of life, brought incredible joy and sadness. On February 17 my sister gave birth to the cutest baby known to man (and I, of course, am neither biased nor exaggerating), which was incredibly joyous and happy.  I was also thousands of miles away when it happened, which was sad and hard.  Serving overseas has many benefits and delights, but missing out on important milestones in the lives of family and friends will always hurt.  I wake up most mornings to a new picture of my nephew Elliot, which makes that 5am alarm clock just a bit more bearable. 

Last week, after more than 3 1/2 years in Bangkok, I finally acquired my own transportation!  I bought an electric bike. It is a bike, and you can pedal it, but it's a bit laborious and not really designed for that.  It's way more fun to use the electric motor to zip around the back roads at speeds up to 12 mph.  I ride it anywhere you would ride a bike (not the big roads) and behave on the road as a bike, not a moto.  So far, I love it.  It gives me more freedom, lets me be in control of my route and speed (instead of a mototaxi driver), and is just plain fun.  

So there it is folks.  Now that I've caught up on the nuts and bolts of life hopefully I can get back into the swing of writing and processing again.  I have been reading a great lenten series with my accountability partners and it has some great stuff, about which I might eventually have conherent thoughts!