Inside Out

Transition is, by nature, a bit of a roller coaster experience.  In one instant you can be incredibly excited by something you just accomplished and in the next completely exhausted by what it took out of you to get there.  It's a series of two steps forward and one step back. 

This past week I have accomplished much:

• A trip to the plant nursery to buy pots and dirt, and getting all my plants repotted
• Discovery of my (already well blogged) new dance class
• My first Thai class here
• My first formal classroom observation at ICS
• First trip to the nearby Saturday morning market, which felt like a real field trip to Asia
• A trip with friends to Amphawa (the floating market) to take a canal boat ride and see thousands of twinkling little fireflies light up the night
• Numerous good conversations with friends

But these have taken their toll as well.  It's been a fairly stressful and overwhelming week, one that has reminded me of my own limitations and that it is God, not I, who is in control.  This weekend I am working on "slowing down" both internally and externally, on living in the here and now, in the present moment , and just sitting back to enjoy- even as I look forward to the days when all of this will be easy and routine.

I have been reminded of how I am completely and utterly dependent on Christ for everything and anything. I started a study this week on the Beatitudes found in Matthew 5 and learned something really cool.  In English, each one starts with the word blessed, in Spanish the word is dichoso.  I had always assumed that dichoso meant blessed.  But I learned this week that it in fact means 'happy'.  And I learned that the Greek word there is makar which means an inner state of happiness or contentment that is apart from and unaffected by circumstances, a happiness that is found in the character of God.  It comes from His Spirit within me.    All that out of one simple little word.  To a certain extent, I think we all already know this, that true contentment is not found in the world and things and circumstances around us, but for me it is important to be continually reminded.  My joy or happiness is not found in successful ministry or excellent teaching or in wonderful moments spent with family or friends.  My joy is in Christ alone, and nothing can change that, no matter where I am or what I am doing or what transition or phase I am in. 

So, although I take time to appreciate all the accomplishments that this week has brought, I celebrate even more that the fatigue and struggle brings me closer to God.  He has blessed me so richly, in general and here in Thailand specifically, and I can't wait to see what he has in store as more and more I seek him.