My sister is getting married in Saturday, and since she's marrying a great guy, there can be no greater joy for an older sister. Completely coincidentally, I am also reading 1 John, which talks a great deal about love. And I've been thinking a lot lately about God's love for us, a perfect love, a fear-banishing love, an unchanging love that loved us first.
Sometimes I get in these "if only" modes where I find myself constantly looking ahead- to the next big event or next big trip, to the end of a semester or the start of a new one. Somehow I start thinking that if I can only get there, than everything will be fine. But the truth is, things 'over there' are pretty much the same as they are right here. My fears and insecurities follow me from one country to the next. Sure, vacations can be a nice time to step out of some of the day to day stresses of life, but they come and go, and I am right back where I started.
This week I have been struck by the call in 1 John to love those around me. This time is really not about all the things I need to do to get ready for the wedding. It's not about finding a great dress for the rehearsal or writing the best toast or not forgetting anything when I pack. This week is about loving through service, about being available to do whatever needs to be done to keep my sister sane and the wedding train on time. It's really just about loving her and her fiancé and then sitting back and enjoying being here for the moment.
Our choice to love others fills us more deeply and intimately with God, allows us the peace that passes understanding and the grace to step through the stress. Without that love, I am nothing. Without loving others, I don't love God, and without loving God all is empty.
So I pack up my stuff and joyously lay down everything I am carrying, so that I can walk this time with my precious sister. I certainly have not always been much of a sister to her, but I am so excited to be there this weekend and stand beside her as she makes this commitment of love. She's going to knock your socks off, this sister of mine, and I can't wait to see it!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Once upon a time in Michigan
I have several half finished blog posts just sitting here right now, none of them quite hitting the mark of a heart bursting with emotions. So happy to be here, so enjoying awesome moments, so full of God, yet recognizing the bits of sorrow that often get intertwined. The life of an expat is many things, but it's never simple.
I rejoice at all the little luxuries available to me, from an abundance of cheese to driving a car to dealing with customer service reps in my up-front fix-it-now American way. And I get flustered when I can't ever quite get the directions right to get places, when the culture of stuff makes me cringe, when being an one event reminds me of all the others I have missed.
It has been a fantastic ten days since I landed at Metro, jam packed with family, friends, celebration, good food, and lots of just being there. Michigan is beautiful in summer, even if I do need my cardigan a lot, and I have enjoyed being outside instead of hibernating in the air con of Bangkok. In some ways there is everything to blog about- a trip to Grand Rapids, a year's worth of shopping, throwing the bridal shower, meeting my six week old cousin, hanging out with friends- and in other ways there is nothing to blog about because it's all been so blissfully easy and fun and normal.
As always when I travel back and forth, I am struck by God's consistency and faithfulness, how his presence gives me a foundation that doesn't shift or change no matter where I am. As I lose my routine (which is really so good for me to do, lest I become tooooo attached to it) and struggle at times to find consistent time with God, he never fails to show up, never fails to provide, even in my wishy-washyness. His love continues to surround me, but it's up to me to lean on it.
I rejoice at all the little luxuries available to me, from an abundance of cheese to driving a car to dealing with customer service reps in my up-front fix-it-now American way. And I get flustered when I can't ever quite get the directions right to get places, when the culture of stuff makes me cringe, when being an one event reminds me of all the others I have missed.
It has been a fantastic ten days since I landed at Metro, jam packed with family, friends, celebration, good food, and lots of just being there. Michigan is beautiful in summer, even if I do need my cardigan a lot, and I have enjoyed being outside instead of hibernating in the air con of Bangkok. In some ways there is everything to blog about- a trip to Grand Rapids, a year's worth of shopping, throwing the bridal shower, meeting my six week old cousin, hanging out with friends- and in other ways there is nothing to blog about because it's all been so blissfully easy and fun and normal.
As always when I travel back and forth, I am struck by God's consistency and faithfulness, how his presence gives me a foundation that doesn't shift or change no matter where I am. As I lose my routine (which is really so good for me to do, lest I become tooooo attached to it) and struggle at times to find consistent time with God, he never fails to show up, never fails to provide, even in my wishy-washyness. His love continues to surround me, but it's up to me to lean on it.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Toto, we're not in Thailand anymore
Ten things that tell me this is not Thailand:
1. Sleeping with the window open, and cool, no cold, air coming in.
2. Leaving my breakfast plate on the table, crumbs and all, not having to wash it instantly and it won't be full of ants!
3. Eating lunch on the restaurant's patio and getting goosebumps in the breeze.
4. Streaming Pandora radio.
5. Eating steak. Real beef. On the grill.
6. Listening to the radio in the car and singing at the top of my lungs.
7. Buying pants that fit me. And dresses. And skirts. And shirts. And shorts. And a pair of shoes...
8. Wearing jeans outside, and cardigans.
9. Despite all the talk of "humidity", needing to apply lotion and chap stick every five minutes.
10. Seeing my sister nearly every day this week!
1. Sleeping with the window open, and cool, no cold, air coming in.
2. Leaving my breakfast plate on the table, crumbs and all, not having to wash it instantly and it won't be full of ants!
3. Eating lunch on the restaurant's patio and getting goosebumps in the breeze.
4. Streaming Pandora radio.
5. Eating steak. Real beef. On the grill.
6. Listening to the radio in the car and singing at the top of my lungs.
7. Buying pants that fit me. And dresses. And skirts. And shirts. And shorts. And a pair of shoes...
8. Wearing jeans outside, and cardigans.
9. Despite all the talk of "humidity", needing to apply lotion and chap stick every five minutes.
10. Seeing my sister nearly every day this week!
Saturday, June 8, 2013
A day in Korea
Any frequent Asia traveler will tell you, Seoul's Incheon airport is where it's at. I have made several brief stops here, and always love it but leave feeling like I have not taken full advantage of all Incheon has to offer. So this time I did it differently. One of the cool things they offer are transit of varying lengths. There were two that caught my interest, so I planned a 10 hour daylight layover here today so that I could go on one. I was really tempted to take the tour to the DMZ since it sounded the most interesting, but it was also most expensive and the most time in a car so I opted for the Seoul city tour instead.
Last night I took a red eye from Bangkok and this morning I had a free hot shower at the airport (it was amazing, a great facility) and breakfast. At 9:30 my tour will leave and get me back here at 2:30 in time for my 5:45 flight to Detroit. The shower room is on a separate floor from the departure gates and the area around it is quiet and peaceful with plenty of big cushy benches (without armrests!) to stretch out on. It was tempting, but I actually feel okay after the flight, despite not really getting much sleep. I will try to take a few pictures today and post them here when I get back this afternoon.
Last night I took a red eye from Bangkok and this morning I had a free hot shower at the airport (it was amazing, a great facility) and breakfast. At 9:30 my tour will leave and get me back here at 2:30 in time for my 5:45 flight to Detroit. The shower room is on a separate floor from the departure gates and the area around it is quiet and peaceful with plenty of big cushy benches (without armrests!) to stretch out on. It was tempting, but I actually feel okay after the flight, despite not really getting much sleep. I will try to take a few pictures today and post them here when I get back this afternoon.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Cultural stress
Cultural stress is distinctly different from other kinds of stress. Cultural stress is what happens when you feel like an idiot because you didn't know the system and got in the wrong line. It is not being able to easily communicate what you need, or not being understood when you are doing so. It is walking past your favorite noodle stand only to have the smell make you crave grilled cheese and veggie sticks, and not noodles. Anything but noodles. Cultural stress is what happens when you realize it is actually harder, longer, and more expensive to do something in your home country but you're going to wait anyhow because you just can't face another unknown, another thing to figure out. It is wanting to watch mindless television that you can actually understand. It is wanting to be able to understand your friends (culturally, not linguistically) and wishing they could understand you. It is being totally overwhelmed by the list of errands you have for the first few days you are home, and then realizing it is no big deal because you actually know where to get those items, or how to get them, or how to get yourself to that store. Cultural stress is being tired, not necessarily of anything in particular, but just tired, and feeling the weight of being an out of place foreigner in a very real way, even though nothing specific has happened.
By the time I land in Detroit on Saturday night, it will be 11 months and 2 days since I was last in my home culture, aside from a short overnight layover in Chicago last July. That's a long time for me, the longest I have ever been out of the US. And even though I am no longer in my first year here, the compounding factor of those 11 months and 2 days means that I am really feeling the cultural stress these days. Add to that the end of the school year stress and the stress of all the events that the month of June holds, and I am a bit of a wreck. Today, I managed to only dissolve into tears a few times and threaten my students with the firing squad once, or maybe twice.
I am so so blessed to be here, and I love my life in Thailand, but God Bless America, I can't wait to be on US soil!
By the time I land in Detroit on Saturday night, it will be 11 months and 2 days since I was last in my home culture, aside from a short overnight layover in Chicago last July. That's a long time for me, the longest I have ever been out of the US. And even though I am no longer in my first year here, the compounding factor of those 11 months and 2 days means that I am really feeling the cultural stress these days. Add to that the end of the school year stress and the stress of all the events that the month of June holds, and I am a bit of a wreck. Today, I managed to only dissolve into tears a few times and threaten my students with the firing squad once, or maybe twice.
I am so so blessed to be here, and I love my life in Thailand, but God Bless America, I can't wait to be on US soil!
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Traffic Jam of another kind
It is fairly well known that Bangkok has bad traffic, but it is a different sort of traffic than I have ever experienced elsewhere. In Michigan if you are sitting in traffic it is probably due to either construction or an accident, unless it happens to be Memorial Day weekend and you're heading up north, or something like that. In Bangkok, traffic may be caused by the fact that it is Friday, or end of the month pay day, or because it just rained, but it is rarely due to an accident or road work.
Traffic jams in Bangkok are extremely frustrating for several reasons. First, it is quite likely that there is no way to change course and take a different route once you've set out. There isn't a back road I can take or a surface street that runs parallel. And along with that, there probably isn't an opportunity to turn around, or if there is, the turn around traffic is just as bad. It's also much much slower, as in really not moving at all.
Last night our entire staff headed to a nearby hotel for our annual Staff Banquet. The hotel is about 7.5km from the school, but it took us and hour and forty-five minutes to get there. We could have walked faster, if not for the dresses and heels. Once we knew how bad the traffic was, there was no going back. It was Friday, the last day of the month, and there had been a massive late afternoon storm: three strikes and we were most definitely out. And what really amazes me is that there doesn't appear to be a reason for any of it. It's not like you get to the front and see that they've moved everyone down to two lanes or that there's a stalled out car or something. It's just lanes and lane of bumper to bumper cars on an infuriating road system. Luckily last night I had great company in the car and everyone else was just as late for dinner as we were. Two years in Bangkok and it still catches me off guard when I forget to plan my life around the traffic. But now I sure understand why many people do!
Traffic jams in Bangkok are extremely frustrating for several reasons. First, it is quite likely that there is no way to change course and take a different route once you've set out. There isn't a back road I can take or a surface street that runs parallel. And along with that, there probably isn't an opportunity to turn around, or if there is, the turn around traffic is just as bad. It's also much much slower, as in really not moving at all.
Last night our entire staff headed to a nearby hotel for our annual Staff Banquet. The hotel is about 7.5km from the school, but it took us and hour and forty-five minutes to get there. We could have walked faster, if not for the dresses and heels. Once we knew how bad the traffic was, there was no going back. It was Friday, the last day of the month, and there had been a massive late afternoon storm: three strikes and we were most definitely out. And what really amazes me is that there doesn't appear to be a reason for any of it. It's not like you get to the front and see that they've moved everyone down to two lanes or that there's a stalled out car or something. It's just lanes and lane of bumper to bumper cars on an infuriating road system. Luckily last night I had great company in the car and everyone else was just as late for dinner as we were. Two years in Bangkok and it still catches me off guard when I forget to plan my life around the traffic. But now I sure understand why many people do!
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