Love flow down

I heard a quote a few weeks ago, I think at church, that has just been churning around in my head ever since.  We can never do anything to make God love us more than he already does.  At first, it just seems like yeah yeah yeah, I heard that before, and I get it. But on closer examination I am starting to see just how much of my life revolves around trying to earn grace, trying to earn love.  And when I can stop trying to earn it, trying to make God love me more, I have the freedom to do so many other things.  When my energy is not all going towards trying to impress God, I have more energy to live the abundant life he has given me.  I can spend time with friends and give real time to them.  I can workout. I can teach and tutor and put more into my job.  I can teach English.  I can watch Downton Abbey and lose myself in a good story and strong characters.  I can go grocery shopping.  I can cook.  I can even mingle. With people I don't know. On a weekly basis.  Without thinking, shoot me now, the entire time. 
As I am better able to comprehend the depth that I am loved, I am better able to love others.  To relax (my family has been trying to get me to do this one for years).  To give.  To extend grace.  To let God be God and just rest in him and in the knowledge that nothing I do today, or tomorrow, is going to change the depths of the riches of his glorious love for me.

Too often I hear truth and I don't really let it settle and resonate deeply.  But this one I can't get out of my head.

God's love for me does not depend on how clean my apartment it. Or how well decorated it is.  It does not depend on the number of friends I have or the quality of friendships.  It has little to do with how I teach or what I teach or even if I teach.  His love is not going to increase if I'm more involved at church or if I always remember people's birthdays.  It won't deepen because I wake up early to pray or lessen when I am unable to do so.  His love won't diminish if I buy veggies and don't get around to eating them and they rot in the fridge. I can't earn it by what I write or say or do.  It is not inversely proportional to the size of the inner tube that is developing around my belly.  His love doesn't change based on marital status or social status or facebook status.  His love is already at the fullest possible measure.  His grace is already offered.  He is already my God.

I hope this truth can settle even more deeply into my heart in the days to come, that it continues to turn and tumble through my mind until it takes root.