Solving for x: the relational life of a math teacher

My teaching position at ICS is very different from any other position I've held, and not because the school is in Thailand.  It's different in part because it is far and away the greatest number of individual students I've ever had (I see roughly 120 kids a week and that number will go up next year). It's also the first time I've taught Spanish (my job is still 83% math though).  The first time I've taught 5 sections of math.  The first time I have not taught language arts.  Don't get me wrong about that last one. I am glad that I'm not teaching LA.  I mean, I love words- I love reading them and writing them and discussing them.  But I was getting burned out on teaching them, especially in a school with a high percent of ESL students who run around yelling, "I win you!" when they beat someone at a game.  When I was job hunting last year, I specifically looked for a math position over a language arts position.  In terms of sheer talent, I am a far better math teacher than LA teacher despite the fact that I probably have a greater aptitude for words than for numbers.

But as this school year ends, as my gradebook closes today and real classes end, I find myself really missing some things about teaching language arts, and about having fewer students.  I have been slowing realizing over the past few weeks just how much less I connect with the students when I only see them for math and not for LA.  Combine that with a block schedule where I only see my classes 3 days per week instead of 5 and the result is that I am saying good-bye to my "least known" group of students ever.  In language arts classes we read and discuss and students write personal meaningful responses (you'd be amazed what a kid will write to you on paper even when they never speak in class).  In math class we analyze and explain and students write technical evidence to prove a theorem.  It's just not the same.  People bond over shared readings of good books.  They don't usually bond over solving for x.

Now, I have connected with some of my students and I know many of them are grateful for my ability to explain math well, but I don't think they necessarily look at me and think that they are missing out. But when I look at them, I know that I am missing out.  I know what it's like to really know your students, to connect in deeper and more meaningful ways.  Connecting with students is a large part of teaching after all.  Sure, I love the daily classes and captive audiences, I love hearing that someone thinks I'm a great teacher because my explanations or classroom management are good.  But the relational part, that's what actually keeps me going.

So, as much as I am glad that the school year is ending, as much as I am looking forward to time in the States and in Argentina, as much as I am tired of waking up at 5am every day, I am also a bit sad that the year is over.  And now I have 2 months to figure out how to do it differently next year- how to find that area and solve those equations and still have space for life and living and knowing and writing.  

The Sewing Lady

This is not an uncommon sight in Bangkok, but it is one that has perplexed me since I got here. I pass this woman frequently when I get off the sky train downtown.  Her sewing machine is set up on the side of a busy road, and she's always busy working when I walk by.  What I can't tell is what she does exactly.  Does she make clothes, or simply repair and tailor them?  If she makes them, where does she sell them? If she's repairing and tailoring, where do her customers come from? I've certainly never seen someone stop by and drop things off or pick them up or have them fitted :)  She has a huge bag of fabric or clothes next to her.  If she's making the clothes to sell elsewhere, why does she "set up shop" here?  Are there any perks to putting her machine on the side of the road?  It odd for me to see her there- a very "developing world" sight on the side of one of the more modern streets in Bangkok. 

Learning from each other.

Five things that I wish Thailand would learn from The US:
1. Lane lines are there to tell you where to drive your car.  The idea is to stay between the two lines so that you don't hit anyone and they don't hit you :)
2. The art of a really good salad- multiple kinds of dark lettuce and spinach with a variety of fresh veggies, with a bit of meat or cheese or eggs on top.
3. Treated tap water.
4. Cheese.  Cheese is delicious. Cheese can do many things. Cheese should not cost an arm and a leg.
5. Public education should be free all the way through high school graduation.  School fees past 6th grade, no matter how small, prevent too many kids from learning and having more opportunities in life.

Five things that I wish The US would learn from Thailand:
1. The sun is harmful to your skin. Tan is not cool.
2. Clothes dryers are a luxury, not a necessity.  Line drying is economically and ecologically better, and never shrinks anything.
3. The art of cheap food and eating lunch for $2.
4. There's rarely a need for public displays of anger- yelling, screaming, complaining, and griping under your breath are distasteful and won't get you anywhere. 
5.  Bookstores are valuable- real live bookstores with real live books in them.

Finding My Niche

As my first year as ICS draws to a close (8.5 days left!),  I'm spending lots of time with friends before we go our separate ways for the months of June and July.  I have truly awesome friends here, but I don't really have a niche exactly, and that's okay.  It's okay because it's only been 10 months, and if I'd completely found my "spot" in 10 months that would probably mean that everyone here was exactly like me, which they are not. And that it a good thing. What a boring world it would be if everyone were just like me. I have friends who are culturally similar to me, but demographically different.  And friends who are demographically similar but culturally different.  And then there are the friends who are just plain different :) And being friends with many different kinds of people does make it harder, especially when I am a J (read: planner) and they are a P (read: not a planner) or when their lifestyle is vastly different than mine due to their kids or their job or their culture.  So as much as I would really like to know how life is going to look day by day and week by week, I don't. And that makes me a bit unsettled. 

But I was reminded today that it's okay to take a while to settle in and find that niche.  None of us are really completely at home here on earth anyway.  We all have the restless flutters inside us that whisper I am made for more than this.  We are all strangers and aliens in the land, even if we live in the nation of our birth.  God did not create us for eternity in this world.  We have eternal yearnings because we are eternal beings.  So when we feel like we don't quite fit in the world around us, it's because, well, we don't fit in the world around us.  The world is temporary and we are eternal.  The world is ruled by the Father of Lies and we were created by the Father of Truth and Life.

I will, eventually, find my niche here.  But even then, I hope that I don't become so comfortable that I forget what I was really created for.  

New Apartment Tour

Today I am resting from daily life- staying home to recharge and get through the last two weeks of school without completely burning out.  I've been working on a little video tour of my apartment for all the folks back home.  Yesterday my friend showed me how to use the movie maker on my computer and now I think I'm hooked.  Keep in mind that the apartment is not "finished", but it's at least unpacked and more than functional and this will hopefully give you a feel for the place.

(Oh, and I'm not sure why the captions disappear so quickly starting half way through... still learning the ropes of the movie maker)

Spontaneity

I've had two conversations now this week about my spontaneity, or lack thereof. Why is it that I'm hesitant to jump into something or do something, even when I have nothing else that I need to be doing at that time?  I mean, I know I'm a planner, but I pause at spontaneity even when I have nothing planned! 

What I've realized from these conversations is that it's not having something planned all the time that keeps me from doing things- is that even when I have nothing planned, my mind has an expectation in the back of it.  Take today as an example. I had nothing planned after school.  I had an errand to do- buy cleaning supplies and toilet paper- but that was it.  So as school was ending and my friends asked me if I wanted to do something, I paused.  My expectation was that I'd go home and rest for a bit, then make the trek out to get what I needed, then return home for dinner and relaxation. I had time to hang out with them. I like hanging out with them.  I just wasn't expecting to hang out with them. 

Good thing my friend knows me- when she asked what I was doing today she added, "And don't tell me you're going home to sit on the couch."  Ummmmm.  Next to hanging out with friends, buying toilet cleaner or staying home doesn't really hold much of a candle.  So I went.  Unexpectedly.  And we had a great time, exploring a neighborhood I'd never been too, eating ice cream and having dinner, and even stopping at the store before we returned home so that I could still get the things I needed. 

A wonderfully unplanned, unexpected evening with a great couple.  I need to learn how to let go of my expectations more often and allow myself more freedom to move throughout life.  Something tells me that simply recognizing it will go a long way. 

Encouraged

to encourage: a verb defined as to inspire with courage, spirit, or confidence.


I have been inspired with courage, spirit and confidence by several things lately, by several ways that God has moved back the curtain for a brief moment so that I can see his hand at work in lives and ministries around me.  

At school, the staff was able to hear from two graduating seniors (one here for 2 years and one since Kinder) who come from non-Christian families yet heard about Jesus at ICS and have come to know and love and serve him.  Hearing their stories gave me inspiration for the days in my classroom when it feels like such a struggle.  A week later we had the chance to hear from two parents about how their children came home from school talking about Jesus, and how they decided they had better learn more about him in order to understand their kids- and how they too have come to know him personally and how he has changed their lives and families.  

I also had a chance to meet with a staff member of Thailand Campus Crusade for Christ.  Crusade is an organization that I'm fairly familiar with, but I didn't know they were in Thailand.  I met with one of their national staff and was so encouraged by her story of coming to know the Lord through Crusade while she was at university, and how she is now on staff with them full time.  Across the world, the most effective missionaries are often the native missionaries- they know the language, the culture, the systems and they help people see that this Jesus stuff is not just for foreigners, it's for them too.  It was a joy for me to hear how I can partner with her in her ministry on campus and support Thais reaching out to Thais.  

I have also been encouraged by growth I'm seeing in the kids I work with, both at school and at Nak Suu.  As the school year draws to a close I have had the chance to step back and bit and remember those first weeks and months and see how so many of the kids have grown- academically, socially, emotionally and spiritually.  And at Nak Suu, I'm seeing the results of their recent leadership camp for the kids as well as the results of what their team pours into these kids each week. I'm seeing the older kids stepping up in ways I haven't seen before.  And even though my learning curve is still pretty steep and I continue to struggle with  what and how to teach in such an environment, I think I heard the kids speak more English today than ever before.  


I also got to have some fun with two particularly, um, squirrely boys. I had a chance to pray with and for them, in addition to talking to them more in Thai and running races against them and just having fun.  It cracks me up when I speak a few words of broken Thai to them and they suddenly think I can really speak Thai and start chatting away at me and asking me to translate stuff that other people say in English.  


Which leads me to another inspiration of courage recently: speaking more Thai at Nak Suu and in a few other quick situations and I'm getting closer to having the courage to really start practicing and using what I know. Right now I basically only speak it with my tutor and with the NS kids.  But I am getting less and less self-conscious about it every day.  


I love the way that God has been painting these pictures for me lately and for how they have encouraged my heart in the work that He has given me here.  In three short weeks year 1 in Thailand will officially come to a close- and what a year it has been, God-shaped and God-inspired, it's only the beginning. 

This is Thailand

In Argentina, when stuff happened that was crazy or frustrating or "just how things are" in Argentina, we always just said well, "Bienvenidos a Argentina", which means welcome to Argentina.  Here, when that stuff happens we say well, "This is Thailand".  And yes, there have been several moments like that lately. But there have also been moments that are just as much Thailand to me, and way more positive.

• It takes 8 days and bazillions of phone calls to get the internet working in the apartment. This is Thailand. 
• When you call the internet company call center instead of getting an operator on the operator line you get a chance to leave your name and number for them to call you back. Maybe. This is Thailand. 
• You come down with nasty food poisoning and you're not sure what it was that you ate that caused it- there are several good candidates.  This is Thailand. 
• Your apartment doesn't have a stove, so you get a counter-top hot plate.  After a week of using it only for the tea kettle, you go to heat up some leftover rice soup and it doesn't work.  Try the tea kettle. Works. Put the saucepan back on. Turns itself off.  Kettle. Heats up. Saucepan. Turns off.  Over and over and over.  Turns out that the saucepan doesn't have a stainless bottom, so it won't work on the hot plate. Have to replace one or the other (going to replace the hotplate I think, since someone just gave it to me and I specially chose this nice saucepan). This is Thailand. 
• Laying at home on the couch recovering from said food poisoning without any internet so your only communication with the outside world is the cell phone. Which promptly runs out of minutes due to use and your friend has to buy and deliver phone cards for you. This is Thailand.  
• Your friends spend their time and energy battling the internet problem with you, translating for the service technician, sitting on hold with the Thai call center line, giving them their number to call back, and fiddling with the modem for you.  This is my Thailand. 
• Friends who deliver Gatorade, carbon tablets, rice soup, phone cards, and later bread and bananas to your home on the couch when you are sick.  This is my Thailand.
• Colleagues who cover for your classes and follow the sketched out plans you wrote for yourself when you couldn't send in sub plans.  This is my Thailand.
• A friend who lets you use their US phone card since you can't skype your mother to tell her you're sick, not that she can do anything but simply because when one is sick you must tell mom.  This is my Thailand. 

Yes, this is Thailand, and I'm quite happy to be here and to be feeling much better and be back online at home.

Life abroad: the glamorous side

It's been a really glamorous few days overseas: no internet at home still and I've been home with food poisoning.  Back to work today, don't know how many more times I'll have to harass the internet company to get that set up, so may still be a while before I get back to blogging. Hoping for the best, especially in terms of the breakfast I ate today...

Apartment update

If I could choose one word to describe life lately it would be BUSY.  As we're in the last month at school, things there are busy and only going to speed up.  And while that has been stressful, it has not held a candle to the rest of the crazy busy-ness of moving.  I got moved in just fine and have spent this past week working on getting internet and a kitchen.  Today, the kitchen (including a sink) was installed, so now all I'm waiting for is internet. I'm all signed up and the line should be activated on Tuesday, at which point I hope to start feeling more human.  After the kitchen installation today I was able to unpack the kitchen, so things are feeling better already.  Now, very little remains on my "must do now" list.  The rest (including painting) will wait until after the summer break.  The temps in Bangkok continue to be sky high and it's quite humid, but I'm hearing that the rainy season may start as soon as Wednesday and the temps will fall with its arrival.  Can't come fast enough (especially with Nak Suu starting back up tomorrow!).  Once the internet is up I'll post some pictures of the new place- though it's incomplete it will give you a feel for it.  So far, I love it and I'm so glad I chose this one. And, my landlady has been delightful to work with, which makes things like this week's deliveries and installation so much more pleasant. 

Hard to believe that just one month from today I'll arrive in Chicago!  Looking forward to Michigan summer soooo much!!!