Loving Deeply and Holding Loosely

Last semester, I talked a lot with a friend about the concept of Loving Deeply, yet Holding Loosely.  We discussed how on some level, we all know that some day we're going to have to say good-bye to everyone, but living in the expat community makes that reality all the more, well, real.  People come and go fairly regularly and the continuous cycle of good-byes can leave one burned out and broken.  One survival tactic is to simply not get too attached to anyone, so it's not as painful when one or the other of you leaves.  What we talked about instead was loving deeply- not being afraid to connect with people, love them, and let them in your life- yet holding loosely- living in the moment, the here and now, and acknowledging that it won't last forever. 

It's a tough balance to strike- the ability to love genuinely and deeply while simultaneously being aware of the temporary nature of relationship.  We want to love deeply; we don't want to get hurt.  But joy and sorrow are intertwined, we can't have one without some element of the other, and if we cease loving, we cease, in many aspects, living as well. 

Even in this environment of transition, it can be easy to forget about reality, that people will come and go.  But I have been well reminded of it this week.  In early October I met a friend at church and we started hanging out and getting to know each other.  Early on, there was a point in which I had to make a decision whether or not to invest: the longest she would be in Bangkok was next September, and if her visa to India came through, it would be much shorter than that.  So I made a conscious decision to invest in the present moment, knowing that it would not last forever.  I treasured each Sunday morning and afternoon I had to spend with my friend. As the steps toward the visa were checked off, I cheered her on, knowing that this was the ministry (International Justice Mission) that God had called her to.  And I tried not to think too far ahead.

And yesterday the news came: it could be as little as 3 more days until the visa, and as soon as next Friday that she'll depart.  And I was sad- happy for my friend, but sad for myself.  It's not that I will never see her again- she'll stop back in BKK in September en route to the job that awaits her in London in October, and with her parents living in BKK, she'll be here to visit in the future.  And I may even have a chance to go to India while she is there.  Plus, my growing collection of friends in London makes it an increasingly tempting stop.  What's sad is the loss of routine with her, what one of my friends likes to call "living life together".  This loss is part of coming here- I lose that with everyone I leave behind, and with each person who will move on from here. 

And so, after several months of being able to invest and love deeply, the time comes to hold loosely.  I am excited for all God has for her in these months with IJM.  I am thankful for the time we had together and for the blessing her friendship has been to me.  I trust God that the void that will be left in my Sunday afternoons will be filled by his hand.