A blur of thoughts on Nak Suu, giving, receiving, and coming home covered in glitter.
After two weeks off Nak Suu, we were back today, but in a new location. Our old field closed, and while this field is nicer and closer, it does mean we need to make some adjustments. For example, instead of sitting at tables while I taught, the kids sat on tarps on the ground. In some ways I really liked this- they were closer to me and during the other teaching times, I could sit more closely with my group. The littlest kid, Film, kept leaning on me- mostly because he wanted me to give him "points" on his little card that they can earn prizes for, but still, it was cute. I liked sitting right there with them. Plus, being on the tarps made it easier for the kids to practice some of our new English words today- run, pass, kick, etc. all used for rugby. But is presented challenges as well- like kids turning around or not listening or laying down and this led to some rather defiant behavior that we don't usually see. After having some issues with respectful behavior in one of my ICS classes this week I was not feeling overly patient with their sass.
Today was great because I feel like I got to connect with the kids more than I have in the past. I am getting to know more of them and they are getting to know me and catching on to the fact that I'm not going anywhere. So many volunteers come for a week or two and now they are starting to see that I am sticking around. I also learned some new Thai words as I talked to the kids, asking them the words for things we were using. But it was also a challenging day- challenging me to teach in yet a different setting, to discipline kids or help them listen in a different setting where I am very limited linguistically.
I like being able to spend my Saturdays giving to these kids, though lately, I've been learning a lot more about receiving. In a lot of ways, I think receiving is harder than giving. God has been showing me that while I enjoy giving and I like it when there is give and take, I really struggle with just receiving. When someone does something for me, or helps me with something, I have a hard time if I cannot repay them in some way. I don't like needing help or asking for help. And not that I should start just being a "taker", that's not the point. A large part of the point is that God has this enormous love that he gave us in Jesus, and I need to sit back and receive it, since nothing I do can repay a love that deep. Just like in friendships, I have a hard time sitting with Jesus and receiving love. Just that. Being, and receiving love.
It makes me wonder how people feel who are poor or disadvantaged, who are often "asked" to receive, but from whom we do not want to receive, to show need. I was just reading a news article about the struggles of being poor in the US and I look into so many faces here with so much need and I wonder, what is it like to have to receive and receive without being able to give and return in the same way? So often, we want to come in and give and we don't give people the chance, the dignity of contributing as well. I don't have clear thoughts on this, I'm not sure yet how it connects to what I'm learning about receiving, so I do sense it's all connected- in the blessing of all that God has given me, it is so easy to put up an arrogance that says I'm here to give, and I don't need to receive.
They say it's better to give than to receive. But I don't know about that. I think there are times to give, times to receive, and times to do both. I do love giving to these kids, even when they disobey or I end craft time covered in glitter, green glitter. But each of them also needs opportunities to give- to make my day better with their hug or smile, to teach me a Thai word, to contribute to their community in some way. May we each give to those around us, and may we be willing to receive as well, receive the love of Jesus and the kindness of those in our lives.
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