A city of contrasts

There are days and times when this city chews you up and spits you out. Like when you have to go to four stores to find plain vanilla ice cream, or you can't find a taxi driver to take you to your very nearby destination. Or when you find a driver who will, and he spends the trip asking and moaning at you about why beautiful American women don't like Thai men, then asks you repeatedly if you'd like to try one. Some days you just pretend you don't understand Thai :). Some days the humidity beats you down or Bangkok Belly lands you on the tile floor of your bathroom. 

But not every day. Some days, you get to run in a beautifully maintained public park on a Saturday morning, and then visit the bustling market nearby for a week's worth of fruit and veggies, and fresh flowers. Some days the neighborhood motorcycle taxi drivers don't even have to ask where you're going, becasue they already know. Some days, a plant vendor sets up shop right in front of your apartment building and speaks English and sells bags of potting soil. Organic potting soil. So you buy three bags, and a new plant, since it's been a few months since you've been able to get soil to plant a new acquisition. Some days the sky outside your window lights up in hues of orange and purple, or a gray summer storm crawls slowly across it, rumbling under its breath. 

And some days, you get a whole bunch of both. 

All You Need is Love

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday about living a gospel in Thailand that teaches grace and love to a culture whose majority religion is so deeply rooted in works- in earning ones salvation. And then this morning I read Ephesians 3, and if I could sum up verses 14 to 19 it would say something like

If only you knew! If only you grasped! If only you understood- 

   The depths of God's love for you, and 

   The strength of his power within you.

Truth is, I don't think we have a clue. If we did, how different the world would be. How differently I'd respond to students or stress or inefficiency or even myself if I responded out of a place of love instead of a place of fear or insecurity. 

Have you ever watched a child who truly knows that they are safe and loved in their parents presence? Such freedom and trust!  I was at my friend's house the other day and her nearly-two-year-olds were playing a game jumping off the couch into their Daddy's arms. They leapt off the edge with complete abandon. (Never mind the moment when one didn't notice Daddy was already catching the other and she just walked right off the edge with a plop on the floor, stunned but no worse for the wear). 

I want to be more like them in my spiritual life.  I want to be rooted and established in that love. I want to be filled with the love that surpasses understanding. I want to know that He who does immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine is on my side. I want to fully get it, grasp it, know it. And then I want to live it in a world around me that still stumbles through the darkness of works, that they too may know the freedom and joy that is found only in grace. I want them to know the Beatles were right. All you need is Love. 

First Day of School

No matter what job you have, there are always days when you Just. Can't. Take. It. There are always times when you want to quit. So I am writing this post for those days- which I know will come- as a reminder for myself: I really do actually love my job. I enjoy what I do. I'm good at what I do. And not everyone has that privilege. 

It was a good first day of school. I have tremendous colleagues. Seriously. None of them are allowed to leave or transfer to other departments because our 6th grade team rocks. And we had multiple awesome people jump in and help us this morning as we taught roughly 100 eleven year olds how to open a combination lock. In humid 90 degree weather. In outdoor hallways. That's a lot of little sweaty hands. 

And I have amazing students. I had one 6th grader assigned to helping some new students navigate their first week at ICS. She wrote to me today about how she might be talking in class a little bit but that I should not be concerned- she would be helping her "ambassidees" (she being their 'ambassador'). And sure enough, every time I saw them today they were a little trio. Others treaded through their first day in the midst of last minute schedule changes or broken lockers or extra long lunch lines. My 7th grade Spanish class followed along and got the gist of things and even laughed and smiled as I started off their introductory level class with some language immersion. One of my former students, now an 11th grader (have I really been here that long?) spent part of her summer watering my plants. She stopped by today to give me my keys and chat for a bit- and I love it when my old "kids" stop in. 

I love how new school years give all of us a fresh start. Even when I get behavior reports or academic scores for a kid, if I haven't met them they still get to make a first impression. But it goes the other way too. I get a fresh start with the students I haven't taught before. I get to find better ways to relate to them, better strategies for teaching them, better ideas for supporting them. 

So first day of school, thank you. Thanks for reminding me of why I do this and what I love about it. But also, you are a bit exhausting, so thank for being over too. 

Make new friends, but keep the old

Coming back this year means not only readjusting to life in Thailand and being back at work, but also life without some key individuals. Those friendships, though certainly not over, do move to a new phase and I do have to keep moving here with building on other friendships and making new ones. Without any family around, friends play a much bigger role and many of them even become like family. All the coming and going is part of life abroad, but it's not a part that I have to like. 

And so I walk into this new school year with open arms, ready to push and stretch and try new things. This morning I ran to the park/market with a group of women from our community who run there on Saturday mornings. It's a group I've been aware of since I arrived, but the first time I've stepped out and joined them. I knew all of the ladies there today, but they are not people I see often or really know well and it was a stretch for me to be willing to run with other people (I don't go real fast). So I am proud of that. And I'm excited for things I have in the next few weeks that will help me step out a bit more and make connections with people. But I am also a bit heavy hearted and you know, that's okay. It's okay to miss my friends and colleagues, to step back from time to time and say yeah, this sucks. For the most part, this week has been too busy to dwell in it too much, but it has still been strange and hard to not have them around. I am very thankful for those who are still here, especially my closest friends who are missing the same people I am. In such a transient community, I am grateful for every bit of continuity I can hold onto. 

I also walk into this school year with an ever growing list of people to keep up with long distance. While free texting apps certainly make that easier, there's still a limit to how much time you have for friends and family who are far away. So we juggle it as best we can and treasure the times we do get to talk or Skype or visit. I am so blessed to have friends spread across the globe and thankful for the efforts they make to maintain our friendship over the miles and years.