Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel: advent reflections on another mass shooting

I am a bit of a news junkie. I have two news sources/sites that I check nearly daily, and another two that I read about once a week. World news, national news, local news- I cover it all. My phone often gives me breaking news banners from several of those sites, so the headlines are often one of the first things I see in the morning. This week I felt so frustrated, discouraged, and angry when I woke up to yet another US shooting in the headlines. They're becoming so common that we can't keep track, that we are no longer shocked, and we are growing numb.

This past week was also the start of the advent season, my favorite time of year. Every morning I sing and listen to one of my all time favorite songs, O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. It is a song of crying out, but also a song of hope. I won't pretend to have any idea where to start with the gun problem in the United States- and it is a problem that we cannot continue to ignore. When I look at it, it feels irreversible and overwhelming. I want to give up. I want to raise a fist in anger at the lack of mental health care or at policies that freed terrorism. But then I sing:

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel! 

Rejoice. Rejoice not because all is well in the world, not because the news headlines are cheerful, not because we know that the road ahead is easy. Rejoice because Emmanuel. God with us. Rejoice because the beginning of the story is Jesus and the end of the story is Jesus. Rejoice because our God is real, he is alive, and he is with us. 

The shootings are tragic. The terrorism is tragic. The wars and ongoing conflicts are tragic. They are heartbreaking and angering and just plain sad. There is not a continent or nation, a color or people, who are not affected. The world is unjust; it spews violence and hatred. There are no words to make that go away. But in the midst of it we cling to God With Us. In the midst of it we rejoice because there is One who has come and paid our ransom while we are yet in mourning. In the midst of it we have hope because the Son of God came first as a baby, then grew and gave his life for us. In the midst of it we sing because we know he will come again. 

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

and ransom captive Israel,

that mourns in lonely exile here

until the Son of God appear. 

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel 

shall come to thee O Israel!

Broken into beautiful

It's been one of those weeks for me. Those weeks when you are reminded countless times just how broken life is, how broken each of us are. We run around pretending that we are okay, covering our shame, our fear, our emptiness, our pain. We struggle with the ordinary moments, the monotony of daily life as we dredge ourselves up to do it One More Time. We struggle with the crises, the moments that divide lives into 'before' and 'after'. Weeks like this weigh heavily.

Truth is, we're all broken. But you know that, you don't need me to tell you. You know that the person next to you, the one who looks like they have it all together, doesn't. Too often we think we are the only one whose house is a disaster, whose family is struggling, who crumbles under the weight of their job or their relationships or their expectations. But we aren't the only ones. You don't usually even have to peel back many layers to find it. Right under the surface, we carry our silent grief, our hidden guilt, our quiet tears.

As I encountered situation after situation this week that broke my heart, I was reminded of how easy it is, especially in the age of social media, for us to build a façade and hide behind it. I know I do. But I was also reminded that wherever there is brokenness there is also Jesus. Lift up your heads, you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle. 

In our weakness, He is there. When my family gathers for a fall weekend in Northern Michigan and I sit under the air con in Bangkok, the King of glory may come in. When leaders stumble, the King of glory may come in. When cancer invades and families are left without husbands and fathers, the King of glory may come in. When young people make tragic decisions, the King of glory may come in. When the clock ticks on and hope seems futile, the King of glory may come in. When babies die and a mother's arms are left empty, the King of glory may come in. When families struggle, the King of glory may come in. He can make broken things beautiful. He's the only one that can make broken things beautiful. In fact, he came to make broken into beautiful. 

Whatever you are facing this week dear friends, the King of glory may come in. 

He loves you. 

He is with you. 

He is for you. And he is mighty in battle. 

Poverty and education: fighting to keep families together

For five days we wore jeans and cardigans, socks and shoes, we drank afternoon tea, we dreamed dreams. Sometimes I don't think I realize just how hot Bangkok is until I leave. I love the heat as much as anyone, but five days in northern Thailand with dear friends was just what the doctor ordered. And nothing makes a good vacation into an awesome vacation quite like deep conversation that stirs the heart. 

I'm not usually one to launch into visionary kinds of conversations- I'm too practical for that. When you tell me your vision, all it see are the million details to get from here to there. But time after time in life we are confronted with suffering, and suffering often demands a visionary response. In SE Asia we are often brought into contact with the myriad of suffering that is linked to poverty. And I know that poverty and its many secondary issues are all to real in the US too. But there I had to go out of my way to see it. It is much more in your face here- the prostitution, trafficking, begging, refugees and slums aren't as well hidden as they are in more developed nations. 

One issue that I keep coming into contact with lately is how problems like poverty and lack of educational options are splitting apart families and sending children out on their own when they are much too young. Too many parents cannot afford to take care of their kids, sending them away to children's homes where they are fed and educated. These parents do it "by choice", even eagerly. Wouldn't you, if you knew the alternative was malnutrition and a lack of education that would continue the cycle of poverty? What kind if choice is that? Other families, among the rural poor and often among Thailand's hill tribes, send their kids to the city once they finish elementary school, their villages either not having schools or not having good schools. Some of these kids are in the city on their own. The luckier ones, if you can call them that, are in dorms and boarding houses. The parents I work with at ICS are nervous about sending their sixth graders to the middle school, about whether their child will be able to handle it. Their poorer peers are taking care of themselves. Other kids simply don't have access to education because they are migrants or refugees. Others because they are needed all night by their families to beg in the red light district so their family can eat (my friend is actually a part of an informal school which instead of charging tuition, pays a family to let their kids go to school during the day and sleep at night, replacing the income that the kids made by begging). 

It's a large complex issue, one with many root causes, and not one that we were going to solve in five days. But, we did have meaningful conversation about ways we might be able to support one village from one tribe on one mountain in Thailand. We have connections there, people who know this population and can help us understand the roots of why the kids leaving so young, why the families are so broken. It's awesome when similar issues are on several hearts at once and we can see God putting things into motion across the country and region. 

I don't know where God is calling me in all of it. Perhaps only to prayer and to have the conversation. Perhaps to support a future project financially. Perhaps to work in teacher training to help bring better education to the village. But it sure has been exciting to be researching and discussing the economic roots of brokenness and suffering in families and begin looking into how I might be able to come alongside in some small way. 

Note: does this topic interest you? I encourage you to start by checking out World Vision International or one of the other highly successful community based child sponsorship programs. Studies have shown that child sponsorship is one of the most effective methods in helping children in poverty worldwide, especially when done with a holistic community approach like World Vision. Working at the community level allows them to address the economic issues as well as the physical, social, emotional, and spiritual. 

Dance Upon Injustice

In college we sang a song in chapel that had a line about dancing upon injustice.  We danced while we sang it, and it sounded real nice, but most of us didn't really know what it meant, injustice.  I still don't, really.  But I'm beginning to get a better picture. 

And before I go any further, I want to let you know that I am fully aware that the problem that came up last week is 100% what we would call a 'first world problem'.  But that doesn't mean I can't learn from it.  It's much harder to be ignorant to injustice when you live in Thailand.  The dictionary calls injustice a "violation of the rights of others; unjust or unfair action or treatment".  We see it every day here in human trafficking, extreme poverty, immigration detention centers, and lack of access to basic necessities like clean water or education.  We see it all over the world in lives around us: a 30-something father with stage four cancer, an unborn child diagnosed with an incurable condition that will limit his life to a few hours, a child who struggles in their new family after years of abuse and neglect.  But still, I never felt it.

And then a Chinese consulate officer decided to give me a 7 day visa for a planned 10 day trip (we had turned in flight itineraries, hotel receipts, and a letter of invitation among other documents that contained our trip dates). And worse yet, there was no possibility to change it. No explanation, no reason why.  Just the way it is. An outside chance that the reason was that I applied outside my home country.But the fact that others at my school had been given two month visas sort of shot down that theory.  It was just a seemingly random decision by some person that would greatly impact me.  We still don't know if we're going to be able to go, and how the trip is going to shake out (the airline will not change the flight dates).

But for me, the learning came in the hours right after I found all this out. It came in my anger and frustration, my desperation, my fury.  There was nothing I could do.  And it wasn't fair.  And boy, did I feel that.  And right about then, it hit me.  This is a bit of what injustice feels like. It helped me to step back and say, the worse case scenario is I am stuck at home for break, sweltering in Bangkok's intense April heat.  I lose the hundreds upon hundreds of dollars I have spent on the trip.  Only money.  This was (and still is) the worst case scenario.  It's not that big a deal.

But it did give me an emotional glimpse of what the song meant, that God will dance upon injustice.  That there will be no more rights violated. No more unjust or unfair actions. No more death and dying or pain and tears.  No more slavery or trafficking, poverty or abuse.  He is a just God and he will reign.  Come Lord Jesus! 

Wealth in the midst of poverty

In the past couple of days I've had several conversations with people surrounding the topics of poverty, children at risk, and ways to respond to people and kids who live in poverty.  It has been great to see so many people with a heart to really live justice and mercy and love in action with these communities.  It's not an easy task, especially not for those who work full time with children and families that lack structure and so many of the basic resources that we take for granted.  But it was also neat to witness at Nak Suu today some of the ways that these communities are rich and alive and full of resources of ingenuity and creativity.  It doesn't mean that we don't continue to work with them, to help them with the emotional, spiritual, or physical resources that are lacking, but it does mean we approach them looking for ways we can learn from them, respecting who they are and how they live, no matter how basic it seems to us. 

One simple way I saw their resources today was during craft time when the creativity of the kids came out in what they were drawing. I loved seeing what the kids created when given a bucket of colored pencils and the freedom to just be kids and use these materials that they don't have much access to. What would have bored other kids quickly held their attention for quite some time. 

Before Nak Suu even started I saw talents that knocked my socks off. Some of the teenage girls had this long rope/string made out of small rubber bands strung together. Two people held the rope- at first just waist or chest high, later on over their heads- while the others jumped over it. And landed on their feet.  Seriously. I held this thing 6 inches above my head and they got both feet over.  Bare footed on the grass.  Their concentration and skill amazed me. And they loved it.  Towards the end they tried to get me to do it, but I knew I'd be the one to land on my back or head at the worst and just pull some serious muscles at best. 

Nothing fancy, just simple technology-free fun all around. 

Election 2012: Why I don't really care

I'm not a big fan of politics.  Social justice, yes.  Political history, yes.  Current politics? Nah.  I do enjoy hearing my family discourse about it, but only because they are interested and educated and civil in their debates, I mean, discussions.  But I also really like what someone once said about my Gramma:  "(She) wasn't very political. She was more interested in people."

I don't pretend to understand the political and economic issues, and I certainly don't pretend that I'm going to have any idea how to solve them.  I don't really even like voting.  I hate staring at lists of candidates whose names I don't recognize for a post (such as University trustee) that I don't even care about.  I just leave those ones blank.  I figure a ballot is a bit like the SAT- if you haven't even got a guess or clue, it's probably best to not put anything at all.

I do pray that at some point in my lifetime I'll see a Presidential candidate that I can really get excited about.  I don't know who will win tomorrow/today.  And don't shoot me, but I don't really care that much.  I know that neither Obama or Romney will really be in control.  I know that every government on earth, both good and evil,communist and democratic, Democrat and Republican, is under the authority of the Supreme God, my God, and that in the end, he alone can and will judge each according to their actions.

All that glitters aint gold

A blur of thoughts on Nak Suu, giving, receiving, and coming home covered in glitter.

After two weeks off Nak Suu, we were back today, but in a new location. Our old field closed, and while this field is nicer and closer, it does mean we need to make some adjustments.  For example, instead of sitting at tables while I taught, the kids sat on tarps on the ground.  In some ways I really liked this- they were closer to me and during the other teaching times, I could sit more closely with my group. The littlest kid, Film, kept leaning on me- mostly because he wanted me to give him "points" on his little card that they can earn prizes for, but still, it was cute. I liked sitting right there with them.  Plus, being on the tarps made it easier for the kids to practice some of our new English words today- run, pass, kick, etc. all used for rugby.  But is presented challenges as well- like kids turning around or not listening or laying down and this led to some rather defiant behavior that we don't usually see.  After having some issues with respectful behavior in one of my ICS classes this week I was not feeling overly patient with their sass.

Today was great because I feel like I got to connect with the kids more than I have in the past.  I am getting to know more of them and they are getting to know me and catching on to the fact that I'm not going anywhere. So many volunteers come for a week or two and now they are starting to see that I am sticking around.  I also learned some new Thai words as I talked to the kids, asking them the words for things we were using.  But it was also a challenging day- challenging me to teach in yet a different setting, to discipline kids or help them listen in a different setting where I am very limited linguistically. 

I like being able to spend my Saturdays giving to these kids, though lately, I've been learning a lot more about receiving.  In a lot of ways, I think receiving is harder than giving.  God has been showing me that while I enjoy giving and I like it when there is give and take, I really struggle with just receiving.  When someone does something for me, or helps me with something, I have a hard time if I cannot repay them in some way.  I don't like needing help or asking for help.  And not that I should start just being a "taker", that's not the point.  A large part of the point is that God has this enormous love that he gave us in Jesus, and I need to sit back and receive it, since nothing I do can repay a love that deep.  Just like in friendships, I have a hard time sitting with Jesus and receiving love.  Just that.  Being, and receiving love.

It makes me wonder how people feel who are poor or disadvantaged, who are often "asked" to receive, but from whom we do not want to receive, to show need. I was just reading a news article about the struggles of being poor in the US and I look into so many faces here with so much need and I wonder, what is it like to have to receive and receive without being able to give and return in the same way?  So often, we want to come in and give and we don't give people the chance, the dignity of contributing as well.  I don't have clear thoughts on this, I'm not sure yet how it connects to what I'm learning about receiving, so I do sense it's all connected- in the blessing of all that God has given me, it is so easy to put up an arrogance that says I'm here to give, and I don't need to receive.

They say it's better to give than to receive.  But I don't know about that. I think there are times to give, times to receive, and times to do both.  I do love giving to these kids, even when they disobey or I end craft time covered in glitter, green glitter.  But each of them also needs opportunities to give- to make my day better with their hug or smile, to teach me a Thai word, to contribute to their community in some way.  May we each give to those around us, and may we be willing to receive as well, receive the love of Jesus and the kindness of those in our lives.

Steel Orchid: Off to the movies!

I headed out after school today well prepared.  I had changed into jeans, grabbed a warm sweatshirt, put a pair of socks in my purse, and I was off: to the movies.  I had heard that the theaters here were cold, and it did not disappoint.  By the end of the movie, my nose was numb.  If I ever start missing the chill of Michigan winter I can save myself the airfare and go to a theater.  The theaters here are very nice, and if you want to pay more, there are even luxury recliners you can sit in.  One thing that was different here was that you select your seat when you buy your ticket. At first I was a bit surprised and not sure what she was asking me.  But it really makes sense.  Seats were assigned in the order that the tickets were purchased, and you could sit with your group if you came with a lot of people. With only about 8 of us in the theater today, that wasn't an issue, but I can see how it could be and assigned seats would be a nice feature.  Before every movie in Thailand, between the previews and the actual film, the king's anthem is played, which everyone stands for.  I really liked the pictures of the king's life that they showed during the anthem and the people's love for their king was evident- it gave me chills (and yes, it was the song and pictures, not the AC).  At long last I settled into my seat, leaned back, and the show began.

Just what movie had enticed me to the theater on a Monday afternoon?  The Lady, the biographic film about Aung San Suu Kyi.  It's rare that I go see a movie (about once a year) and is almost always for a specific movie, and not just to see something.  The Lady did not disappoint.  Even though I have been reading a lot about her since my trip in November, I still knew very little about her life before her house arrest. I knew she was the leader for democracy in Burma, but I didn't know why.  The movie, like Hotel Rwanda last week, brought me to tears on several occasions, but despite the loss and grief, it also inspires hope. 

One thing that really struck me was the depth of the sacrifice that she and her family had to make on behalf of so many Burmese people.  There were many periods of painful separation from her husband and sons.  It reminded me about several verses from the Bible, about leaving behind family and friends to follow Jesus.  It reminded me that missionaries throughout the world go through painful separation from family and friends on behalf of many people in many nations.  And, it reminded me that many times the struggle is even greater for those who are left behind.

So I definitely walked out of the movie wanting to hug my family and hold them a little closer from this side of the world.  But I also walked out with a spirit in me to keep on keeping on.  To keep on doing what God has called me to do- teaching my students in both mathematics and the love and knowledge of God, to keep on empowering at risk children by teaching them English, to keep on working for justice in this world in whatever small ways that we can- a voice for the voiceless.  Wherever you are today, I encourage you to continue to fight for true freedom and justice for those around you.  As my dear friend likes to quote, we can not do everything, but we can each do something. And maybe make one of those somethings going out and watching The Lady.  It's a pretty good place to be inspired.

God Wins: thoughts on genocide

I'm not a huge movie person.  There are essentially two kinds of movies I like: based on a true story and based on a Jane Austen novel.  This evening I watched one of the former, Hotel Rwanda.  On Friday I borrowed a copy from a friend and after a hot day at Nak Suu today I decided to relax in the AC and watch it.  Several years ago I read Left to Tell  by Immaculée Ilibaguza (which I believe is currently in the Collins library) and it left a deep impression on me.  So on my flights here in January I read We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families by Philip Gourevitch (which I will return to the Collins library in June).  Both books deal with the horrific events of 1994 which are the root cause of horrific events in the Democratic Republic of the Congo today.  When I was job searching a little over a year ago Kigali was one of the cities receiving serious consideration.  All this to say, this is a movie I've been wanting to see for a long time. 

If you haven't seen the film, I highly recommend it.  Tears flowed freely at several points as I watched the grief and loss of families torn apart not just by war, but by genocide.  What strikes me the most when I read about what happened in Rwanda, or in Cambodia or any other number of places, is that the rest of the world knew what was going on- and did nothing- even after the lessons from the Holocaust (did we really learn anything from that?). As Edmund Burke famously said, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."  But even as I type that I realize how complicated that is for foreign governments, and how frequently UN peacekeepers are quite useless.

Sometimes I wonder, what is going on in the world today that we know about, yet are doing nothing?  Several places come to mind that are in the midst of terrible conflict, some with spokespeople or intervention and some without, but it all makes me so grateful that God is a God of justice.  No matter how many tears I cry- at the atrocities in memoirs or movies or in the news or in my own city- they are nothing compared to the tears that he cries.  Honestly, if I didn't know that God wins, that he knows and sees all things and that he will come for judgement, than I don't think I could live in this world.

Everywhere you look there is suffering- it crosses the boundaries of race and nationality and class and religion.  I see heartbreak and poverty every day on the streets of Bangkok.  I saw it on the streets of Detroit.  Every church, temple, mosque, or synagogue on planet earth if full of hurting broken people.  And yet, God offers us hope, and that is why I can learn about all this stuff and still get out of bed in the morning.  God wins.  That's the bottom line.  God brings justice to Rwanda, to Cambodia, to the streets of Syria and Egypt.  I need to do all I can to fight and stand for justice now, but rest assured, what we cannot see, God can.  What we cannot avenge, he will.  On the last page of the book, when the last word of the story has been written, God wins.

All I Want For Christmas

I have to confess, this post comes directly from other missionaries at my home church in Ann Arbor.  Their post on the subject re-stirred something in me that I have felt for some time, and also gave me the great link I'll include further down. I also want to say that I wrote this post mostly for myself, mostly to remind myself of just how rich I really am...

It's very easy in this season of giving (and getting) to feel like we don't have very much.  We easily focus on what we don't have or would like to be able to afford to give to our families.  And even though I see the Black Friday pictures of people walking out of Walmart at midnight with 3 gigantic TV's and think, I would never be so obsessed we all still do it in our own ways.  Every year families go into debt in order to buy their children happiness or prove their love or friendship.  Every year after Christmas, after receiving a large collection of gifts, we go back to the stores to take advantage of the after-Christmas sales, because- we still don't have enough.

You can click on this link to the Global Rich List to see where you fall globally based on your annual income.  A missionary salary puts me in the top 10%.  And that's just salary, it doesn't include the health insurance benefits or other benefits that come with my job- both financial and otherwise.  What do I give up to serve abroad?  Not much.  Even in Argentina, where my small stipend didn't even qualify me to pay US taxes, I was in the top 14% worldwide.  I have traveled to and visited a host of countries.  I have a helper that cleans my house for me once per week.  I can afford to buy special treats at the expensive grocery store full of imported foods (there aren't many foods I have to go without here).  I work and sleep in AC every day.  I have more food than I can eat and more clothes than I can wear.  I get to learn languages and interact with people from many different cultures. I have a safe and comfortable home. I have resources beyond imagination.  I am rich. 

I think it is especially easy for missionaries to think that we are "poor" simply because we often have less than expats in the corporate and diplomatic communities, but the truth is, we still have more than just about everyone in the countries where we serve (with the exceptions of those who serve in the US and Western Europe I would think).  Our definition of "less" is still far more than most of the world's definition of "more".  It's an easy trap to fall into- no matter how much we have there is always someone who has more.  But you don't have to look around very hard or read many news stories to see that we actually have far more than we need- even in comparison to many Americans. 

Perhaps this Christmas, as we pause to celebrate the gift of God's Son to the world, we can also consider how we can be Christ's hands and feet in that same world today.  Heifer International and World Vision have some great ways for us to do that!   Not sure what to get the person who has everything (or the person who has to fit everything into a suitcase)?  Try a goat or a chicken...

Nak Suu Rugby Academy

Yep, you read that right. This post is about a rugby academy.  This is where I was last Saturday, and where I'll be most Saturday's next semester.  But I will not be there teaching rugby :)

Nak Suu is a ministry of Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in Thailand.  It is a rugby program for kids from children's homes and slum communities in Bangkok.  The program includes learning to play rugby and being a part of a team, but it also includes life skills, evangelism, lunch, and English class- that's where I come in.  Next semester I'll be teaching the English lessons.  On Saturday I went to check things out and get a better idea of what I would have to work with as  I plan my lessons.

I had an awesome time!  Around 70 kids attended last week and after getting everyone signed in and reviewing the rules, they were split into two groups based on age.  The younger kids went off to the rugby field (with people who, you know, can teach rugby) while the older kids stayed for their English lesson and then a project about the fruits of the spirit.  I had a great time interacting with the kids. One thing that was awesome was that I got to use my Thai!  There was a visiting YWAM mission team there, who didn't know any Thai, so it made me feel quite helpful in that regard.  The kids mostly understood me and I mostly understood them, when they were talking to me.  Their chit-chat?  Not yet :)  After an hour, the groups switched and we redid the lessons with the younger kids.  After that they were served lunch and then headed home.

To be honest, I was pretty hesitant to make this commitment.  When I was looking for somewhere to volunteer with local kids a few months back, I was thinking of roughly once per month.  What I found was a Clare-shaped hole at Nak Suu that needed someone around 3 times a month.  But I spent time praying about it and have really felt called to bring this particular gift that God has given me (teaching) to these particular kids.  All of last year in the States God and I were dealing with this issue of not just giving, but giving sacrificially.  I read so many books and saw so many situations where people were called to give beyond the norm, and it inspired me.  So when I went to pray about this opportunity, what God said was, Clare, this is your chance to give, not just out of your abundance, but to give sacrificially. Yes, it will cut into your sleep. And your social life. Yes, there will be weeks you'd rather do something else.  But for this time and season, this is where I want you.

After visiting last Saturday, I am very excited to start.  I'm also excited to pick up some basic ESL materials in the States, at least to get some fun ideas.  I have not been able to get the Nak Suu website to work, but this is the Ark International page on the YWAM site, and Nak Suu is a part of Ark.  There is also an article about a tournament that Nak Suu was able to enter.

Please pray for me as I take on this added responsibility. Pray for physical strength and energy on Saturdays, for quick progress in Thai so that I can communicate more with the kids, and for wisdom as I plan what and how to teach them.  Please also prayerfully consider donating to their program through the YWAM site. I'll try to talk to the director soon to see if there is another website that will work better as well.  Thanks!!

Awakening: Five Days in Burma Part 4

Today's soundtrack- my current personal life soundtrack :) 

I've been wrestling with this fourth and final Burma post.  It is one thing to explain the events and experiences of the trip- quite another to explain my heart.  The truth is, you don't have to travel to Myanmar to find people in need. They are in Detroit, in Buenos Aires, and daily I see them here in Bangkok, especially now with the floods.  Truth is, the needs are great, overwhelmingly so.  And truth is, we cannot help everyone. 

But the stirrings of my heart in Burma go well beyond the poverty and hardship we witnessed there.  God is much bigger than that.  While there, we cried out to God on behalf of someone else, and that is something that stirs the heart mightily.  We read about and listened to the Voice of Love, a voice that calls us ever deeper into relationship with the Savior,  a Savior who comes with peace, yes, but also a sword. 

Perfect in love
Lord, You came to earth
To rescue me
You took my place upon that cross
The stains that held me back
Were washed away
You made me whole

A voice that reminds us that we are not in control, that freedom is not complete clarity and it is not relief from pain.  We met those who know these things all too well- they cannot pretend to have control over their lives, the way we so often do, they know that pain is not an "if"- it just is.  We heard the Voice of Love that beckons us to rest in Him, to rest in the ambiguity, to rest in our neediness and his love. 

Your love has set
The broken captives free
Your love released
The chains once binding me
I'm found in grace
In love's embrace
My heart is overwhelmed

So, where do I go from here?  I acknowledge how little control I have.  I don't control the flood waters. I don't control whether or not school is open tomorrow.  I don't control whether or not we will have a summer vacation after all this craziness.  I don't control the people around me- their actions or inaction or imperfect love.  I don't control where I'll be in a few years, where this journey of life will lead me.  I don't control my health.  I don't control the cycles of life, the living and dying.  I don't control much of anything, really.  And, neither can I control the circumstances of other people's lives.  I cannot change the situations my friends and family suffer through.  I cannot change the immense social and economic and political problems in the worlds around me.  I cannot help everyone. 

Sings my soul of how
Your love has set me free
Sings my heart of how
Your mercy rescued me
Hear my cry of endless love
To my Saviour and to my King
My heart is overwhelmed

But, I can help someone.  That I can do.  My time in Burma was in many ways an Awakening.  Just as we prayed for spiritual awakening in that nation, we pray also for awakening in us.  Awakening to need- need within our own hearts as well as in the world around us.  Awakening to what we can do, and it is much.  In two weeks I will have the opportunity to send items to the children I met last week. Next semester I will have the opportunity to spend most of my Saturdays teaching English to underprivileged kids from the slums of Bangkok (more on this at a later date).  I can be an open listener to my friends and family, helping them carry their burdens and allowing them in to help me carry mine.  I can pour into my students on the days I do see them (like today!) even if I don't know how many of those days I'll have in the coming weeks.  And, I am sure that I will have many more opportunities in the days and weeks and months ahead- if I have the courage and obedience to take them. 

I stand redeemed
Your Spirit now alive within my heart
I walk with you all of my days
I shall live to glorify You God
Hear my soul rejoice

Awakening: Five Days in Burma Part 3- The Children's Homes

Soundtrack #2, from the same album as the first one, linked here for your listening enjoyment.

As mentioned previously, we spent our day Saturday at two different children's homes with our friend Chan Chan who works at MCP.  We spent the morning at the girls' home, a small studio-type apartment not really much bigger than my own.  They seemed to in the process of building a wall dividing the room into two.  The home houses 12 girls, who seemed to range in age from about 8 to 17.  They were warm and welcoming, if a bit shy at first (hey, we were too!)  We played several different games with them- a rock paper scissors competition, duck/duck/goose in Burmese, a group clapping/leader game that I can't explain, and telephone (hilarious with the language barriers).  It was a lot of fun just to see them laugh and play and engage, even if it did mean we were dripping with sweat the entire time.  Literally. Running down.  Here are a few pictures from our game time with the girls:

Rock, Paper, Scissors game

More RPS

Hahahaha. Telephone in Burmese!

After we had played for awhile, the woman who cares for the girls invited us to sit down and eat.  In the back kitchen room, she and one of the older girls had prepared an oatmeal drink (so delicious!) and biscuits for us- you could tell that they really were wanting to give their guests the very best they had to offer.  Such a great example to me as a Westerner of true hospitality.  We ate and talked with her, and then asked her if there was anything we could send to them, and what we could pray for.  She told us they needed clothes, as those were hard to get, and asked us to pray for their education, health, and salvation.  Some of the girls are believers, some are not.  You could read the weight on this woman's shoulders as she spoke to us about the great obstacles they face, just educationally.  What a privilege it was to encourage her and walk with her, even just a tiny bit.  After that all the girls came in and we had the opportunity to pray with and for them!  What an honor. 

God is able
He will never fail
He is almighty God
Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

 

We believe that God is able, even in the lives of these girls, even as we recognize the challenges.  They sleep on bedding on a cement floor, yet they are worth more than the sparrows.  They struggle to find clothing, yet they are more beautiful than the lilies of the field.  They were known and loved in the womb, yet they face an abandonment and poverty that we cannot comprehend.  It is a dichotomy that we cannot understand, but we know that He is able.  So, we do what we can. We will send clothes later this month, and some funds for education, but it is a small thing really.  One thing I have realized on this side of the world (heck, I could learn this even in Detroit) is that the needs are immense and we cannot allow ourselves to be swallowed by them.  Even still, I live daily in the tension of knowing, deep down, that I do not do enough.  

Oatmeal, biscuits, and tea- with the woman who cares for the girls.

Next, we headed to a boys home that is a "sister home" to the one for girls.  By this point I had nearly forgotten about the gallons of sweat pouring down my body.  Nearly.  When we arrived we were ushered to sit down where we were presented with fruit and bottles of cold water.  Not only that, as soon as we sat down several of the boys were standing around us, fanning us.  For a seriously long time!  They wouldn't stop!  

Part of the fanning team.  The woman seated in red takes care of the boys along with her husband.

After refreshments the boys introduced themselves to us.  Many of them stated for us, in English, their name, age, and what they want to be when they grow up.  Talk about touching!  My friend has some video of them saying it, and I'll get it and post some if at all possible.  Designer.  Engineer.  Doctor. Pastor.  Such hopes and dreams.  And, because of this home, they may become a reality.  We taught the boys some songs and played games with them as well.  And then, well, we just hung out.  The boys loved playing with our cameras, listening to music from my friend's iPad, playing guitar, and dancing around.  A great time was had by all.  This was also roughly when my camera battery died :(

Discovering the iPad...

Bedding/beds

Phillip, the son of the couple who cares for the boys

Before we left, we were brought back into the first room where lunch had been set out for us- noodles with either chicken or pork.  What gifts of hospitality.  We sat and ate and again spoke with the woman who cares for the boys and lives there with her husband and four year old son Phillip.  There was such a spirit of discouragement on her face, despite her smile and laughter.  She also requested clothes for the boys, and storybooks if we were able.  And then we were able to pray for the boys, and perhaps just as importantly, for her and her family.  Their goal, she said, is to raise them to be strong leaders in their community, to have strong morals and be followers of Jesus, to be good men.  

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way
Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

 

One of the other gifts of this day was the time we got to spend with our dear friend, Chan Chan.  What a gift she gave us- taking us to see the kids (she even took us on the bus to get there, always an adventure!) and we were blessed by her presence and friendship all day.  Encouraging her and others who work day after day for these kids was part of the whole point of going.  He will never fail us. 

 

That evening, one of the missionaries who works with the homes through MCP was having a going away party to prepare for her furlough and she invited us to join them at a nearby park.  Why not?  We jumped into the back of a pick-up truck (read: bus) and headed to the park.  There, we met up with all the girls along with several other of this woman's friends (side note: it was interesting to sit and talk with these women serving in Burma, not an easy country to serve in, and to just get to know them and hopefully encourage them).  It was a joyful celebration- though I must admit, it had been a long day, we were still dripping with sweat, and I was, emmm, playing large group games with a bunch of strangers (gag).  It actually wasn't too bad and we were talked into staying and eating with them after the games.  At this point we had to say good bye to Chan Chan, as well as all of our other new friends.  We limped back to our hotel where we showered, dropped into bed, and slept for 10 hours.  Whew!

Awakening: Five Days in Burma Part 1

This blog post comes with a soundtrack.  Click here to listen to it. 

I have decided to call this post "Part 1" because I know that there is no possible way I'll be able to put all my thoughts together in one sitting, nor would any of you, my dear readers, have the time and patience to read all my thoughts in one sitting.

Early Wednesday morning I flew to Yangon, Myanmar (or Rangoon, Burma, as it was known beofre the military took over and changed it) with two friends for five days.  We returned home Sunday night.  Our school was scheduled to reopen today, but that has now been delayed until this Wednesday (Nov 9th) at the earliest.  We await the decision of the MOE and the flow of the water, which continues to move and still has potential to come our direction.

Before I left for the trip, a friend of mine who has been there and has traveled SE Asia extensively told me that if I could handle Burma I could go anywhere.  It's like going back in time, he said.  And in that respect, he's right.  I was younger than most of the cars.  The internet speed and availability reminded me of the monstrous computer in my family's basement when we lived on Martha.  Some of the taxi's we rode in had upholstery and interior panels, but many did not.  AC?  Hahahajajaja555 (that's me laughing trilingually :)  I have rarely (never?!) sweat so much in my life.  There is a natural beauty to Yangon, a city of lakes and parks, despite its dusty poverty, uneven sidewalks, and lack of infrastructure.  There is a spirit that somehow, despite years of living under a military junta, life goes on.  What I want to share with you are some glimpses into things I saw or did or experienced in those days, and some reflections on what it all means, on how you look into the face of a child who lives without hope, knowing that God alone is able.

In our hearts Lord
In this nation
Awakening

Hello. Money. 
On Wednesday, late afternoon, we were walking towards the downtown area from the biggest Pagoda/temple in the city when I was spotted and approached by a young girl.  She knew only two words in English: hello and money, but these she repeated to me, over and over.  She followed us for blocks, right there at my elbow, hand reaching out, palm up.  Hello.  Money.  We walked on, but she persisted, and we even talked amongst ourselves- what do you do?  Her cries reach our ears and our hearts, yet everything you read about such situations says not to give in this way, that it in fact does more harm than good.  We eventually sat down at a sidewalk table to an Indian restaurant that looked (and was) amazing.  She stood among the parked cars next to our table.  Watching.  Even under the glare of the restaurant owner.  When bread arrived at our table, my friend wrapped it in a napkin and walked it over to her.  A half smile lit her face as she began to eat it, but before you could say 'chicken curry' an entire family of 6-8 people had appeared.  Awake my soul.

Me enjoying some chicken curry on naan and some strong but delicious Burmese tea

Lilly
After we arrived on Wednesday, we headed out to see the big golden Pagoda in the middle of town.  On the way we stopped by a noddle stand for lunch, where my regimin of pepto with every meal started (miraculously, none of us got sick, and we kind of ate wherever).  We walked up all the steps to the top of the Pagoda, but opted not to pay to go into the temple itself.  Instead, we sat on the cool shady steps in front of it to pray.  No sooner had we gotten through the "Dear Heavenly Father," when a woman named Lilly who was a guide at the temple sat down to ask us why we weren't going in.  We started talking to her about her job, family, life, beliefs, and about Jesus.  While one of us did most of the talking, the other two prayed and listened- what an amazing divine appointment, just hours after arriving in the country!  We seemed to attract a lot of attention, just sitting there talking, and I was somewhat amazed that no one else came and sat with us.  Many of them certainly looked like there were about it!  After chatting, we went back to praying, including this woman and her family in our prayers.  

Holy Spirit
We Desire
Awakening

First meal in Burma!

With Lilly

Moments
We witnessed lots of "moments" in the park along the lake near our hotel.  Let me explain.  This park- the grassy bits surrounding the lake and the wooden walkways connecting everything- was covered in couples, sitting together, sometimes making out, and often with an umbrella.  For me, it was a bit like Buenos Aires, only maybe less intense.  But being Asia, it was hilarious.  We literally couldn't find anywhere to sit where we didn't feel like we'd be interrupting.  We spent lots of time in the park, walking, talking, sitting, reading, praying and journaling over the course of our days, and did eventually figure out how to just plop down wherever.  I did my best to get a picture of the scene, without being too intrusive, so you may need to click on the picture to blow it up to see the umbrellas and couples scattered across the grass. 

Moments beside Kandawgyi Lake

more later,
love,
Clare

One Month

I leave one month from today.  This fact has little to do with this blog post, but it is nonetheless, monumental in my mind and deserves mention. 

I spent the last week Up North at Long Lake and, amongst other things, read two books.  One of them was a nice light beach read.  The other was the kind of book that can change your life, challenge how you live it, and stick with you forever.  The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns is not a heavy theological read.  I wish I could quote the whole thing to you right here, but I know I would lose my handful of readers.   Rich Stearns is the President of World Vision US and his book paints a picture of poverty around the world and what we are called to do about it.  I love the way he weaves quotes throughout the book- both verses from the Bible and quote from religious leaders and many others.  He starts by telling the story of how he came to World Vision from his CEO position and how seeing poverty close up has changed him and his family.  It's not preachy or judgmental, even as he shows how little effort it would actually take from the world's wealthy to make a significant impact on the world's poor.  For me, it changes how I pack for Thailand, how I plan to use my salary there, and my free time.  It changes what I do with many of the items I won't take with me, and I hope, how I will live when I am there.  I am quite willing, even eager, to loan out my copy of The Hole in our Gospel; let me know if you'd like to borrow it. 


So I won't bore you with long quotes from the book, but I will give you just this one.  When you see poverty in the world and are overwhelmed and feel useless in the fight, remember this African saying: If you think you are too small to make a difference, try spending the night in a closed room with a mosquito.  

Sara Groves - I Saw What I Saw

Suffering

In Argentina, my friends and I had a phrase we would tell ourselves or one another when someone was complaining about life: "well, there is genocide in the world." Not meant to be taken lightly, it was our friendly and gentle way to reminder each other that we don't have anything to complain about in light of the suffering going on in the world around us.

That suffering, in its various forms, has been coming to my attention a lot lately. One reason is because of the books I've been reading. In August I read A Thousand Sisters, a memoir by Lisa Shannon. It highlights the violence in the Eastern Congo, and especially the sexual violence against women and girls. This past week I read The Enough Moment by John Prendergast and Don Cheadle (actor from Hotel Rwanda), which discusses the fight to end genocide (esp in Sudan), child soldiers (abducted by the Lord's Resistance Army), and rape as a weapon of war (esp in the Congo). One thing that I liked about both of these books is that they are both informative and hopeful. The Enough Moment especially highlights repeatedly the success stories of peace and rehabilitation in Africa, and how they can be used as frameworks for solving the current conflicts.

When we read these stories and hear the testimonials, the question becomes, what are we going to do about it? Luckily, organizations like The Enough Project and Run for Congo Women make it easy to get involved. You can sponsor a rape survivor in the Congo or support schools in refugee camps in Darfur. At the website for RAISE Hope For Congo you can send emails to electronics manufacturers asking for conflict-free products. It takes about 30 seconds. We can write or call our Senators and Congressmen encouraging them to raise awareness and support legislation that works towards peace, civilian protection, and the prosecution of the leaders involved.

But we don't have to go to Africa to see suffering either. I see it in communities all around me. And it's easy to get discouraged and feel small. But I've realized this week that it's not about feeling small. It's about taking small steps. We can all find ways to donate our resources: our goods or talents or money or time. You can google local aid organizations and find contact information to find ways to get involved. I don't have a lot of goods or money right now, but I do have time, and I have educational skills. I'm hoping to be able to do some tutoring or general volunteer work in the near future. I've just become too aware that the only thing separating me from those around me who are homeless or living in poverty is that I have a large and generous support network.

So, what do you want to do? Read a book (I got mine at the library) and raise your awareness? Send an email to electronics companies? Support a woman in the Congo? Write a letter to your representatives? Donate used goods that are still in good condition? Donate food, money, or warm clothes to someone in your community? Volunteer at a soup kitchen? At a tutoring program? Get involved in an even bigger way? I don't know what we will each do, but I know that as a child of the King, I can't do nothing. My God loves each one of them, each one of us, way too much for me to do nothing.

Better than free

I'm fresh off my first day of subbing, well, my first day since January of 2004! I spent my day in an elementary CI classroom- for the non-educators out there, CI stands for cognitively impaired, which is the new term for mentally impaired. The day was 9 kids, 2 aides, me and some vague lesson plans. I was suddenly very grateful for the week I spent filling in the PreK class last year at BAICA- it gave me a few ideas for what we could do and how we could structure our time. The day went as well as I could have hoped, I suppose, for a challenging assignment, and I found myself thinking about fishing on the way home.

We all know the line about teaching a man to fish instead of just giving him a fish, but what I realized today is that many people around the world don't need either one, the lesson or the fish, they just need the opportunity to fish. Many, many wonderful family and friends have helped me out this summer, whether it was a meal or a ride, a tank of gas or a place to stay. And all of that has been absolutely incredible. But it still doesn't compare to the feeling of being able to work, to do something you know, and to contribute something to the world. The few dollars I made subbing today or prepping roses last week (long story) are meaningful to me because afterward I am tired- I have done something called work, and it was good. I look forward to that first paycheck when I can go buy some black work shoes (I wore through my last pair on the cobblestones of Argentina), not simply because I need the shoes, but because I will have worked for them. The work is the gift, and despite the price of blisters, aches, pains or frustration, it's still better than free.

It makes me think about those who live day in and day out in poverty, who struggle to survive in developing countries. We send aid, but how much better would it be if we created opportunities to work? Opportunities which paid enough to lift them out of poverty (even if it raised the price of our t-shirt), opportunities that gave them something meaningful to do, something that they could take pride in. Imagine a world where farming and harvesting paid the bills, a world where lettuce was more expensive but those who picked it could afford to buy it. And yes, some of those people will need to "learn how to fish", but whether they're learning or they already know, it doesn't matter if they don't have the opportunity to do it.