Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel: advent reflections on another mass shooting

I am a bit of a news junkie. I have two news sources/sites that I check nearly daily, and another two that I read about once a week. World news, national news, local news- I cover it all. My phone often gives me breaking news banners from several of those sites, so the headlines are often one of the first things I see in the morning. This week I felt so frustrated, discouraged, and angry when I woke up to yet another US shooting in the headlines. They're becoming so common that we can't keep track, that we are no longer shocked, and we are growing numb.

This past week was also the start of the advent season, my favorite time of year. Every morning I sing and listen to one of my all time favorite songs, O Come, O Come, Emmanuel. It is a song of crying out, but also a song of hope. I won't pretend to have any idea where to start with the gun problem in the United States- and it is a problem that we cannot continue to ignore. When I look at it, it feels irreversible and overwhelming. I want to give up. I want to raise a fist in anger at the lack of mental health care or at policies that freed terrorism. But then I sing:

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee O Israel! 

Rejoice. Rejoice not because all is well in the world, not because the news headlines are cheerful, not because we know that the road ahead is easy. Rejoice because Emmanuel. God with us. Rejoice because the beginning of the story is Jesus and the end of the story is Jesus. Rejoice because our God is real, he is alive, and he is with us. 

The shootings are tragic. The terrorism is tragic. The wars and ongoing conflicts are tragic. They are heartbreaking and angering and just plain sad. There is not a continent or nation, a color or people, who are not affected. The world is unjust; it spews violence and hatred. There are no words to make that go away. But in the midst of it we cling to God With Us. In the midst of it we rejoice because there is One who has come and paid our ransom while we are yet in mourning. In the midst of it we have hope because the Son of God came first as a baby, then grew and gave his life for us. In the midst of it we sing because we know he will come again. 

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel

and ransom captive Israel,

that mourns in lonely exile here

until the Son of God appear. 

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel 

shall come to thee O Israel!

Maundy: A new commandment

Maybe this sounds a bit weird, but my favorite church service of the year at my home church, Knox, is Maundy Thursday. I love their service of shadows. I like the way it's dark and hushed and solemn as we prepare for Gethsemane. I like how Communion is done in family, in community. I like its sense of reverence and reflection. I miss it.  At one point this winter I was actually considering flying home for spring break this year,  and having it coincide with Holy Week and a Maundy Thursday trip to Knox had crossed my mind. 

There is a church here that I like to visit for Maundy Thursday, a small Anglican church downtown that flat out wins the prize for best church building in the city. It's old, small, traditional, beautiful. The liturgy is not what I am used to, but I don't mind, and in some ways, I enjoy that every word is crafted, considered, and heavy with meaning. It fits the day somehow. Last night, I particularly enjoyed what the Vicar (I do believe that is the first time in you life I have ever used that word in context, not such an American one!) had to say- intellectual, biblical, Christ centered, and thought provoking. 

Maundy, apparently, means command or mandate, as in Jesus' words to the disciples, a new command I give to you, that you love one another. He spoke about washing feet, about service and love, about abiding, about being willing to just receive it all- how we are always trying to do things for Jesus instead of receive Jesus. He spoke about allowing Jesus to care for us so that we can care for others. In many ways, not anything earth shattering. But it all frames differently for me under the title Commandment Thursday and I'm left wondering a bit how I could get this far without knowing what it meant. There are a lot of funny words floating around churches, I guess I just chalked it up to being a funny church word and moved on. 

Being challenged to both let Jesus wash our feet and then to go and do likewise looks a lot different as a mandate. We all know the line in Jesus' reply, that if Peter doesn't allow his feet to be washed than he has no part with Jesus, but how often do I see it as a command to receive? To receive in prayer, receive in the Word, receive in the vulnerability that says to someone else, I need help. I'm a picky person, and nothing makes me pickier than needing help. In Jesus we have a High Priest who helps us in our weakness, and often he helps us by the people he puts in our lives, if we are willing to receive. 

It's easy to receive, to abide in him, in church. It gets a bit harder when we walk out the door. Or before we walk in it. My week off had not been going to plan. Instead of spending my time resting and socializing and rejuvenating, I'd been just trying to keep it together. In the hours immediately preceding church I was busy beating myself up for not being able to find the restaurant my friend and I were going to eat at before church, leading to a hot sticky walk down streets with which I was not very familiar and then a rushed dinner at a different restaurant and last hurried scramble to get to church on time. Anything that goes wrong in Bangkok in April is made worse by the oppressive heat and humidity that envelop the city, sticking to your pores like glutinous rice in a toddler's hair. It's a small price to pay for missing the Polar Vortex, I know, but it's obnoxious all the same. 

So it was nice to walk under the arches of the airconditioned and stained glass church at 7:02, already a few lines into the service, and hear the words Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name, and shortly after be commanded by Jesus to receive, to abide, to serve, and to love. As we reflected on Jesus' last hours with his disciples, it was good to be reminded that the work was already done, his body broken and his blood spilled, and to be directed to simply receive it, receive him, and then go and love as he loves us. 

And now you prepare a table for us offering us not just bread and wine but your very self, so that we may be filled, forgiven, healed, blessed and made new again. 

Fast and faster: Learning intentionality

The discipline of fasting is not one that I grew up with, or have ever practiced regularly.  I did a 30 hour fast in high school once, as a fundraiser with my youth group (we raised funds for an organization that fights world hunger), but that's about it.  Last year, my (then) church did a week fast in early January as a way of starting the year in fasting and prayer. We were encouraged to fast in some way during that week.  I chose to do a complete fast for one day and spent my usual meal times in prayer for the year, for the church, for Thailand, etc. 

My current church is just wrapping up a three week fast with a similar purpose- to fast and pray for our church and its ministries, for our family/friends/neighbors, and for Thailand as a whole.  This year I chose to do a Daniel fast, which I started right after my family left (the church started a week before me).  The Daniel Fast is based on the book of Daniel, where Daniel and his friends rejected the rich foods of their Babylonian captors in favor of "vegetables and water".  There's plenty of information out there about what foods are or are not allowed, but the gist of it is no meat, dairy, sweets, baked goods, additives, fried food, or beverages besides water.  I have tweaked those a bit and included Jif peanut butter (as opposed to the "approved" natural peanut butter, I mean, have you seen that stuff separate???) and not been too obsessive about things like chicken broth which may or may not have been used to make the pumpkin soup I ordered the other day. 

Some of the things I have learned from this time of fasting have surprised me.  First, I was quite surprised, and nearly a little horrified, to enjoy it so much.  I really like cooking and eating healthy foods.  The strict diet forced me to be creative in what I ate and to pack a lunch eat day, which is maybe not so fun the night before but is AWESOME everyday when I compare my food to the school cafeteria.  There have been challenging moments for sure- the first days back to school without my morning tea (okay, EVERY day without my morning tea), the Christmas chocolate still in my fridge, the oatmeal every morning, controlling my ginormous sweet tooth, etc.  But mostly, the yoke has been easy and the burden light. 

The second thing that has been huge for me is a lesson in intentionality.  When I've done complete fasts in the past, the main goal was always to just block out food from my mind. Not think about it.  Here, the opposite is true. I have to think about food all the time. I have to shop and prepare food constantly.  Every time I will be away from the house at meal or snack time I need to plan ahead and bring something.  I have to think about getting protein and carbs.  When I grocery shop I read every food label, making sure I'm getting the basic, real, good food- no additives, especially sugar.  and I've learned about the parallel needed in my own life, the intentionality I have been lacking. 

I may be a "planner" in many ways, but I'm not a dreamer or a visionary.  I don't have any idea what my future is going to look like.  And many times, both on the larger scale of life and the smaller scale of day to day living, I let life happen to me instead of being intentional about where I'm going.  I'm quick to say yes, and then soon find myself overbooked and overwhelmed or somewhere I had no intention of being.  Last semester this was especially true.  I took on too many tutoring students, too many commitments, and as the ball got rolling, I quickly found myself much busier than is good for me.  So this semester, when one of my tutoring kids dropped out, I intentionally decided not to fill his spot, even though plenty of kids are begging for it.  I'm laying the pieces of my semester schedule slowly and intentionally, letting these first weeks of school settle first.  I'm planning now for some days with my closest friends in Michigan this summer.  And it feels good. 

The fast has also just given me the chance to spend time drawing near to God, sitting at his feet, both on my own and with friends who are doing the fast with me.  Together we are seeking God's face for our own lives, those of our friends and family, that of our church, and our host nation.  We don't necessarily fast and pray because God promises some great miracle, we fast and pray because we know that when we do, he hears us and acts on behalf of his people.  That, in and of itself, is reward enough. 

Back to "school"

Well, after a wonderful four days on Koh Mak island (post to come later) I am back in Bangkok.  The Ministry of Education has ordered all schools to close until November 7th (at least) and ICS is closed in compliance with that.  We don't, however, want to make up all these days so we are 'conducting classes electronically', which is a bit of a pain, but manageable.  There is a blog-type website that is for classes and education purposes called edmodo that many of us are using to post assignments and instructional videos and activities.  It's a bit confusing right now as they kids login and have questions but I am confident that by the time this whole crisis is passed, they will have the hang of it :) 

Now, in terms of the flood situation, there isn't a whole lot of new news other than that the water continues to move southward towards the sea, more areas continue to flood, and central Bangkok and my area are dry (and actually VERY hot and sunny).  The main problem in this area right now is waiting and wondering and panic. I went to the grocery store today and it was half empty- though I was able to get what I needed.  Just very weird.  I would have taken pictures, but I dropped my camera face down in the sand this weekend so it's in need of being fixed or cleaned.  Course the thing is so old I might just decided to replace it.  ANYHOW...  Central Bangkok is operating, but touristy stuff is either closed or up in the air and travel is a bit tough so my visitors (Juan and Claudia) are actually still on the island. No reason for them to leave paradise to come sweat it out in stressful Bangkok.  They'll come back to the city on Friday, we'll spend some time together on Saturday, and then they leave on Sunday. 

I guess the main two things to communicate to you at this time.
#1 The situation in Thailand is still quite dire, quite bad, and probably going to get worse before it improves. There is still little to no reliable information.  Plenty of articles on cnn or bbc if you want to see their take on it.  I've mostly quit reading the news.  It's the no-news news, as my friend likes to call it.
#2 I am safe.  I now have a kitchen full of food and water.  In addition, I live on campus and the school has stock-piled water here.  One thing that continues to impress me about ICS and our administration is the way they take care of their people. We have several on campus apartments that are not being lived in right now and some of our Thai staff members and their families who have been evacuated are now living on campus with us.  For some of them, the water around their house is waist deep. 

So please continue to pray for this nation, for the people who are affected, and for God to be revealed to them in the midst of this crisis.  Some people think that as soon as this passes we'll have a coup because of the way the government has handled it (has any government ever handled a disaster well? I mean, seriously, isn't that why they call it a disaster/crisis?) so pray that that doesn't happen.  My friends and I may be looking to volunteer somewhere next week, since once I get the hang of this online lesson thing (and my kids get into the groove with it) I'll have some time on my hands.  Pray that we can be the hands and feet of Jesus to people who, yes, need food and water, but just as much need Jesus. 

On its way

There is not a lot else to say about the impending flood at this point, only that it's drawing closer, yet we still have no idea if/how much it's going to hit, either the city at large or my particular area. While there is a severe lack of information, even in the news, reports are that "it's coming".   I am safe and dry.  My dear friends, Juan and Claudia, arrive tomorrow night and we leave (hopefully) Saturday morning for a 4 day weekend at the beach on a small island in the Gulf of Thailand.  Actually, I have a 5 day weekend now- school has been cancelled on Friday (tomorrow) due to flooding around Bangkok and traffic problems as people start to panic, and to park their cars along the side of the expressway to keep them dry.  While I am looking forward to our time away oh-so-much my heart is heavy as well- for those whose homes are filling with water.  For those in the path, waiting.  For those who have already lost so much.  It seems silly to go relax at the beach with all this going on.  It seems silly to worry about a whole lot of things with all this going on.  We pray, because it's all we can do and it's the best thing to do. 

Una clase de danza jazz!

Some of my frustrations with the dance studio I have gone to are well documented.  In addition, the teacher of the stretching class was recently in a bad car accident so there is someone else teaching it, so at any rate, I haven't been back since the Famous Taxi Episode.  Which has left me searching for a dance class.  There was one I had considered on the other side of town on Wednesday nights, but then my friend (and my dance class partner in crime) Bo suggested one on Tuesdays at a smaller studio that she thought I might like better. 

We went yesterday for the first time and the first thing I like was the location.  It's right in the heart of the city which makes it very easy to get to.  Or at least easy to get to the building.  Finding the studio was a little tougher.  We knew it was on the 9th floor.  However, upon entering the elevator, we found the following buttons to press as floor options: 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, and up and up.  No 9.  We tried 10. Nope.  Eventually got to 8.  Parking level.  Walked around the parking area a bit, till we found a stair that led to the 9th floor parking area.  We walked around that awhile until, at long last, we found the studio.  And now we know which elevators go to 9, and which don't. 

The second thing I like about the studio is that it wasn't super fancy.  It felt a lot like my studio in Buenos Aires (which I loved). The next thing I liked was that the class was the perfect level for me.  There were about 10 of us and several of them were really quite good.  But others were just at my level.  I also liked that even though we are adults and therefore not "serious dancers" the teacher took the class seriously and really pushed us to do our best. 

Which leads me to, the teacher.  He taught the class in English, and even though we is a Westerner, his English was definitely a 2nd language.  Lots of "more quicker" or "more higher" and a bit of an accent.  He sprinkled in some Thai words, which is always fun, and then suddenly he said something and I thought to myself- I think that was Spanish!  So I started listening more closely and sure enough, that was Spanish coming out of his mouth!  But not just any old Spanish- Spanish that felt familiar and comfortable to my ears.  A few of the words he said, and the fact that he didn't seem to have an accent to me made me wonder...

So after class I asked him, in Spanish, where he was from.  "Argentina"  I was amazed and so excited, which I quickly expressed in Spanish, which prompted my favorite response: "Are you?"  I didn't even realize at first how amazing that was, as I just went on to explain that I had lived there for 3 years but was actually from the States.  Granted, he had only heard about 10 words from me, but he asked if  I was Argentine!!!! 

Imagine that.  The perfect dance class for me.  A jazz dance class in Bangkok taught in 70% English, 15% Thai and 15% Castellano.  The best.  What an awesome provision of God! 

A few quick prayer requests:

• Pray for my relationship with one of my classes of 8th graders.  There are several "power struggle" students in there, not a behavioral issue I handle particularly well.  Pray for wisdom and patience as I deal with those kids, and for better repoire with that class in general. 
• My friend and I are searching for a children's home that could use some volunteers and resources.  At this point, the only ones that are easy to research/find near Bangkok have the resources they need. Pray that we can find a place (within a reasonable distance) that doesn't have the means to publicize itself and that needs resources- we know they exist, and pray that we can be the hands and feet of Jesus to the children there and the people who support them on a daily basis. 

Words? Yes, please!

I love words.  No, really, I mean it, I LOVE words.  Love them.  I like speaking them, hearing them, learning them, writing them, reading them.  Which brings me to two very exciting things in my heart and life this week: the start of Thai classes (in Thailand, hopefully not forgetting most of what Toomy taught me in MI) and the consuming of the Word of God in a new way. 

I live in an English speaking bubble here, and most of the time, that's okay.  My primary ministry is at the school, is with my students and their families, and the girls in my LifeGroup.  And that is awesome. I love them and I love what I do.  But my ministry and calling in Thailand goes beyond the gates of ICS as well.  I want to be involved in ministry of mercy of some kind- probably with orphans and/or kids in some way.  But those guys don't speak English so much, so my effectiveness is pretty limited until I can communicate with them.  Enter Thai classes. 

Second, this past week God has brought some amazing conversations and verses into my heart and life.  And suddenly, I want to study God's Word in a new way.  I have  never really paid too much attention before to Biblical word meanings in the original language, be it Hebrew or Greek, but I have been seeing more and more lately how that can reveal so much to me about Who God is.  Even just reading the Bible in Spanish shows me new things at times, how the different translation brings out a different aspect of the original meaning.  So I am currently hunting down some good tools for this but am not feeling real patient in the mean time.  The internet is a great free resource, but you know me, I want the physicality of a good book, which I will get eventually.  I have just been so blessed this week- both by conversations with people that encourage me in my walk with God to people who have helped take care of me while I have been sick to extra Jesus time while I am in bed recovering to an email from an 8th grade student who apparently really missed me while I was gone and wants to make sure I am okay because math was "too hard and confusing" without me there. 

I am asked a lot what brought me to Thailand, and why Thailand, and my answer never really satisfies me.  I think it's because the reasons I am in Thailand go way beyond what I can see.  I might  not fully understand them for some time, or ever, but that's okay.  I know God is here, working and moving, and I am just glad to be a part of it.

Prayer requests:

• Health- complete recovery from the bug I've had this week.  I am slowly regaining strength, but still not feeling 100%.  Pray for wisdom to ease back into my schedule and to be careful about not taking on too much and getting run down. 
• Language- that my ears and tongue would be loosened to the Thai language and I would be able to see growth even in just 2 hours of class per week.
• Ministry- for now for the four 8th grade girls in my LifeGroup, that God would reveal himself to them in new ways as we study the book of Matthew together. 

Delights and Bummers, and few prayer requests

Delights:

• My students. There are a lot of them, and some of them are very quiet and others are very silly, but I am enjoying getting to know them.  
• The weather.  I know, it's hot and I'm sweaty and all that, but I never wear closed toe shoes or a sweater and I love it.  Just don't leave home without an umbrella!
• Exploring.  Going downtown on my own on Saturday was the best!
• I am reading a great book called "From Buddha to Jesus" that gives me a much better idea of where to start in conversations with Thai non-believers, like my new friend from Wat Saket.  
• There are a lot of great people here.  Maybe too many, as will take time for routines and friendships and groups to form.  But the people I am getting to know have been such a blessing already- baked goods in my school mailbox, notes of encouragement, laughter and talking over dinner, etc. 
• Stretching class.  These people are hilarious.  They were really working yesterday to talk to me (in English) and I was cracking up.  A few of them are a bit crazy, but in a fun and entertaining way.  It's good to be laughing when you are trying to do the splits at the age of 30!  And it has been awesome to get to know my friend Bo better, who goes with me and introduced me to the class.
• Rainy season.  I love it when the sky opens and the rain pours down.  I love it even more when I am watching from home and not standing at a bus stop!
• Teaching Spanish!  And trying to speak Thai.  Sometimes.  Not very often.  Yet. 

Bummers:

• The students here are a slightly different breed than in MI or Argentina.  Can't quite put my finger on it, but can tell I am going to have to adjust some things in my teaching and management style, and soon.  Plus, since there are so many it will be harder than it was at BAICA to get to know them well.
• Friendships take time and you can't force them.  
• Time zone differences make skyping with family a bit tricky, which makes me feel pretty far away sometimes.  
• Down days.  They are a part of transition and a part of adjusting to a new everything.  But knowing that doesn't exactly make them any more fun.  

Ways you can pray for me and my ministry:

• Pray for relationships with my students, that I can connect with them academically (a number of them have struggles with learning, with ESL, with math, or with other social/emotional things) but also spiritually.  Pray that the relationships we build now would open them up to more spiritual conversations.  
• Pray for finding a church home.  There are more churches with English-speaking services than I thought there would be.  I have visited 4 of them and have (maybe?) narrowed it down to 2.  Or 3. There are great things about all of them, and disadvantages to each.  Pray that I can settle in a place with sound doctrine, good preaching, opportunities for ministries of mercy in Thailand, and a community where I can connect and grow. 
• Pray that I can 'find my place' with my schedule and friendships.  I am working on arranging Thai lessons and also some Spanish practice time and know that those things will help my life feel more routine.  I am also really working on being intentional in seeking out relationships to build, but there are a lot of them (which is good!) and I need to find the balance of alone time and relational time.