Blood, sweat, tears, and a few little green sprouts

Blood: we had our first dripping/gushing blood in K4C this week. Luckily it was only a bloody nose and it stopped fairly quickly. Bloody noses I can handle. Open gaping flesh wounds? Not so much. Praying we don't end up with any of those! 

Sweat: our morning recess is shady and cool, but lunch recess is like a little sauna. It doesn't help that we eat in an open air cafeteria so I'm sweating even before I get to recess duty, as even the shade at midday is somewhat miserable. My poor little kiddos are soaked after ten minutes. We don't stay out much longer than that and there's usually a gaggle of them following me around waiting for me to ring the bell for the last minute or two. They are sometimes resistant to drinking water earlier in the day, but no one resists when I make them get drinks after lunch! 

Tears: my morning drop off criers have pretty much stopped, but we still get some tears throughout the day from bumps on the playground or tired frustrating moments during wake up or things like that. No one has cried in time out yet, and I totally expected them too. My TA told me my time outs aren't scary, which they aren't supposed to be, though they seem sufficiently effective so far. Come to think of it, no one has gotten time out during recess yet, so maybe that's when the tears will come...

Sprouts: I've been getting more into gardening in the last few years and have enjoyed visiting my brother's community garden in New York and seeing what he grows at his apartment as well. So this summer I bought some seeds because hey, if he can grow tomatoes on his fire escape in New York, I should be able to grow them on my balcony in Bangkok, right? This week I planted tomato and radish seeds and they just started sprouting🌱. I'm so excited to get them into pots and watch them grow. And then of course, to eat them. I have some sugar snap peas too, but I wanted to try these first. 

Tomato sprout 

Radishes! Maybe not my favorite veggie, but they're supposed to be easier to grow than most of the others and I like them well enough, especially if they're from my own garden ❤️

The First Week

LOne week down, and so far K4 is everything I hoped it would be. My students are delightful. They range from shy and sensitive to spunky-spitfire independent, from well trained little listeners to 'what? you want me to sit down?'. Some look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them to draw a picture of themself, others have practically mastered the objectives of K4 already. They are excited, giggly, impulsive, silly, talkative, stubborn, eager, insistent, adorable, emotional, hilarious, and all the other things a 4 year old ought to be. When we went to the big auditorium for chapel yesterday, the chairs kept folding up on half of them because they aren't big enough to weigh it down. The little one next to me held her blankie. It's been awesome. 

I've been so impressed with how quickly they are catching on to the classroom routines. The one transition that we are really struggling with is entirely my fault and not theirs- we haven't yet found a "come in from recess signal" that is loud enough for them to hear during the craziness of lunch recess. They're great at lining up after morning recess, but it's much calmer and quieter then so they can hear. Well, that and some of them really don't like waking up after nap time, but hey, who does? 

As expected, the first week brought tears, snot, vomit, and blood, but it also brought lots of laughter and smiles. Their favorite activity is a brilliant "game" called Mokey See, Monkey Do. I say, "Monkey see, monkey do, I can ________, how about you?" and fill in the blank with all kinds of things- wiggle, jump, touch my toes, act like a dinosaur, etc.  The brilliant part is, the last line of the game is always 'line up' or 'sit quietly' or whatever else I need them to do at that time. For a movement break or a transition, it works like a charm :) 

There are things I miss about middle school for sure- the quirks of preteens and young teens, being able to send a kid to fill my water bottle for me, their independence, the five minutes between classes when I can actually use the bathroom- but plenty of my kids have been stopping by after school this week to say hi or waving vigorously at me when they see me on their way to PE, drama, or play after lunch (all of which require them to walk by the elementary building). They change so much over the summers that some of their names escape me when I first see them, especially those I haven't taught in a few years. I miss my middle school colleagues and the swagger of the 8th graders who think they rule the world, but I am comforted by a great K4 team and my new kiddos and being so busy during the day that it just flies by.  I'm glad I made the switch. 

As my days have begun to find their way back to routine, the homesickness has come too. Pictures of my family enjoying time in northern Michigan, videos of my nephew laughing hysterically, reports about how my Grampa is doing- while I want them and welcome them, they also make me miss people. It's the never ending struggle of my life and my job- my heart scattered across the globe. But as I sit with my tea and look at my balcony garden and the trees and city beyond, I know I am where I am supposed to be right now. God is faithful. 

Ready for K4!

8 months ago I sat in the elementary office talking to the principal, exploring the possibility of moving to elementary. When she mentioned that a K4 position would be open I knew it was for me.  Today we had our open house and I met most of my sweet kiddos. I can't wait for them to come tomorrow!  It's going to be such a fun year :)  

Classroom "before" pictures (what it looked like when I showed up July 23):

The classroom in progress...

Ready for Open House today!

Ready or not, here they come! And yes, I'm ready :)

Jet lag brain

I would like to write about my time in Michigan this summer, but that would require processing that is wel beyond my emotional or physical energy right now so instead I will put my feet up, eat a Thin Mint (or two or four) and tell you about my jet lag brain. 

Jet lag brain is defined as doing stupid things all day due to a lack of sleep.  I'm an 8-9 hours a night girl and my first years in Bangkok were blessedly free of jetlag, but lately I have not been so fortunate.  It's Friday night and I haven't slept more than 5 hours a night since Sunday night. That must be a lifetime record for me.  As I result I have done laughably stupid things all day, despite feeling much better than I really should. 

1. I spelled wonderful as "wonerful". On a bullentin board. Redo. 

2. A short time later I hung a line of numbers 1-100 on my classroom wall (for counting the first 100 days of school).  Well, that I was the idea anyway. Somehow I missed 76-80 and skipped right fromm 75 to 81. I was just glad that I only had to redo the last 3/4! 

3. I chose background paper for my jungle animals bullentin board and picked yellow.  Two of the animals are the same exact yellow. So I added some green grass to the bottom so they could be against a green background. But then the animals in the yellow looked like they were floating in midair. A quick text message consult with a friend decided that the floating was just going to be okay. Then I needed to add a sun because the giraffe's neck was too long for the grass resulting in yellow on yellow again. I have lightly tacked everything up now to make sure I like it before finalizing.  I've already adjusted the elephant around 100 times.  Quick project rapidly became a long project.  

The elephant is less angled now, but this is essentially the final product. No, I did not make the animals (credit there goes to my friend Karly), but yes, I did make that grass and I am pretty impressed with myself for that! 

4. Perhaps the mostly costly oops of all- I started a load of laundry without turning the water on (you need to turn it on and off every time you do a load). I discovered my mistake 20-30 min later when the machine was beeping like crazy and flashing all kinds of lights. I got the water on, but it wasn't coming out much and couldn't restart the machine/cycle. I unplugged the washer and plugged it back in because that fixes everything, right? Now it won't even turn on. Sigh. 

Luckily there are new coin operated machines on the ground floor of my building that I can use tomorrow night. Here's to hoping that I'll actually sleep tonight!  

Terrified excitement

It's been a busy week for a lot of reasons and I haven't been feeling great and as a result I've slept roughly 22 of the past 48 hours.  And something tells me I'll still go to bed on time tonight.  And while I know for some of you that sounds like absolute heaven (and believe me, to a degree, it is) it's also increibly frustrating for me.  It's the in-your-face reminder of my limits, which in this particular area, are somewhat "closer in" than most peoples.  It's the reminder that I can't quite keep up and can't quite do what "everyone else" does.  And of course, I hate that. [and yes, my thyroid levels and meds are frequently checked and that is not the problem here] 

In the past few weeks my efforts to prepare for my new position in K4 have stepped up quite a bit. I'm spending time every week observing the K4 and K5 classrooms, making lists of what I need and then trying to figure out where and how to get it all, going through storage to sort through the items from the last time the school had two K4 classrooms.  Thinking and and scheming and dreaming and planning for my classroom next year is taking a greater role in my life and it is soooo fun and exciting and terrifying all at once.  

It's scary to leave something that you know you're good at to challenge yourself with something that you think you could be equally as good at, but that is also quite new and the experience you do have is some years ago.  But mostly what terrifies me is not whether or not I'll enjoy it (I've worked enough with the age group to know that I will) nor whether or not I'll hold my own to do a decent job (I have mentors and examples past and present who have taught me so much). No, what terrifies me is that it will absolutely suck the life out of me and leave me dead on the floor.  

I know that in the first weeks and months I am going to have to be kind to myself and not expect too much out of myself outside of the work day.  I know that I am going to have to learn how to better control my intensity and energy output during the day instead of getting so into it that I'm spent by lunch time.  I know that there will always be days when I practically crawl home- that even happens now.  But my prayer is that I will be able to manage and pace myself and seek moments of solitude at lunch and otherwise care for my introverted self in ways that do not cost me my entire social life and routine.  Weekends like this make me nervous because they remind me that it doesn't take much to completely wipe me out and send me into hibernation mode, but in the same breath I am so filled with hope and joy and plans for next year that I am determined to make it work.  One day at a time. 

First Day of School

No matter what job you have, there are always days when you Just. Can't. Take. It. There are always times when you want to quit. So I am writing this post for those days- which I know will come- as a reminder for myself: I really do actually love my job. I enjoy what I do. I'm good at what I do. And not everyone has that privilege. 

It was a good first day of school. I have tremendous colleagues. Seriously. None of them are allowed to leave or transfer to other departments because our 6th grade team rocks. And we had multiple awesome people jump in and help us this morning as we taught roughly 100 eleven year olds how to open a combination lock. In humid 90 degree weather. In outdoor hallways. That's a lot of little sweaty hands. 

And I have amazing students. I had one 6th grader assigned to helping some new students navigate their first week at ICS. She wrote to me today about how she might be talking in class a little bit but that I should not be concerned- she would be helping her "ambassidees" (she being their 'ambassador'). And sure enough, every time I saw them today they were a little trio. Others treaded through their first day in the midst of last minute schedule changes or broken lockers or extra long lunch lines. My 7th grade Spanish class followed along and got the gist of things and even laughed and smiled as I started off their introductory level class with some language immersion. One of my former students, now an 11th grader (have I really been here that long?) spent part of her summer watering my plants. She stopped by today to give me my keys and chat for a bit- and I love it when my old "kids" stop in. 

I love how new school years give all of us a fresh start. Even when I get behavior reports or academic scores for a kid, if I haven't met them they still get to make a first impression. But it goes the other way too. I get a fresh start with the students I haven't taught before. I get to find better ways to relate to them, better strategies for teaching them, better ideas for supporting them. 

So first day of school, thank you. Thanks for reminding me of why I do this and what I love about it. But also, you are a bit exhausting, so thank for being over too. 

Bulletin board

Why yes, yes I did make this bulletin board today! School year prep is in full swing including one of my least favorite teacher tasks: bulletin boards. I don't really do creative, but I can print out a few words and use the die cut machine and imitate a Pinterest idea. 

Back to Buenos Aires

Buenos Aires, Argentina. A city, place, people who will always have a place in my heart. As I sat in on the last day of school at BAICA and the staff farewell that followed, I was reminded of everything and everyone here that I love. In some ways it was like ripping my heart out all over again, and I was practically in tears throughout it, but at the same time it was good. I got to see all the ways the school has grown and changed, I was able to reconnect with beloved students, and I was reminded of a part of my life that was so good and healing for me in many ways. It is equal parts hard and wonderful to be here and I am truly blessed and grateful that I can make the trip. And, it's always good for me to continue to process this place and it's role in my life. Four years later there are many things that are different and many that haven't changed at all, making everything feel at once foreign and familiar. I understand most of the Spanish coming at me, but feel very shy to respond- the words don't roll off the tongue anymore, vocab escapes me, and any shot I had at verb tense before is completely gone. But still, in brave moments, I try. The first three days here have been full of hugs and laughter and catching up and adventures. As my brain adjusts to being back I feel more and more at peace with having come, and look forward to the days ahead. 

At school with students 

Horse riding at the estancia 

Parrilla lunch at the estancia. 

A smoke day!

In Michigan we have snow days, ice days, and the occasional day called for extreme cold. I have all that up moving to Bangkok, and yet I find myself in my pajamas at 10am on a random Tuesday morning.  My first year at ICS we missed a few weeks of school due to massive flooding across Thailand. In January we missed a day when massive political protests threatened to cause massive traffic disruptions. Today we are off because a garbage dump nearby is on fire. Yesterday our campus filled with stinky smoke and they are still working to control the blaze. So far this morning the skies are clear and sunny, but there's also a strong breeze and if that dies out, I have a feeling we would be back in smokey land. 

It was good timing for me. I've been under the weather and not sleeping well for a few days and have been in the edge of a sick day for several days now. This saves me the trouble of lesson plans, even if it means rearranging lots of things in the next month (the downside of block schedule is that when you miss a day it changes what day of the week your classes meet and with standardized tests and spring break on the horizon it will mean making some changes to my plans). 

In the meantime, I'm going to make another cup of tea and tackle a paper I need to write for my online grad class and enjoy sitting around the house a while longer. Here's to "snow" days in Bangkok! 

Poverty and education: fighting to keep families together

For five days we wore jeans and cardigans, socks and shoes, we drank afternoon tea, we dreamed dreams. Sometimes I don't think I realize just how hot Bangkok is until I leave. I love the heat as much as anyone, but five days in northern Thailand with dear friends was just what the doctor ordered. And nothing makes a good vacation into an awesome vacation quite like deep conversation that stirs the heart. 

I'm not usually one to launch into visionary kinds of conversations- I'm too practical for that. When you tell me your vision, all it see are the million details to get from here to there. But time after time in life we are confronted with suffering, and suffering often demands a visionary response. In SE Asia we are often brought into contact with the myriad of suffering that is linked to poverty. And I know that poverty and its many secondary issues are all to real in the US too. But there I had to go out of my way to see it. It is much more in your face here- the prostitution, trafficking, begging, refugees and slums aren't as well hidden as they are in more developed nations. 

One issue that I keep coming into contact with lately is how problems like poverty and lack of educational options are splitting apart families and sending children out on their own when they are much too young. Too many parents cannot afford to take care of their kids, sending them away to children's homes where they are fed and educated. These parents do it "by choice", even eagerly. Wouldn't you, if you knew the alternative was malnutrition and a lack of education that would continue the cycle of poverty? What kind if choice is that? Other families, among the rural poor and often among Thailand's hill tribes, send their kids to the city once they finish elementary school, their villages either not having schools or not having good schools. Some of these kids are in the city on their own. The luckier ones, if you can call them that, are in dorms and boarding houses. The parents I work with at ICS are nervous about sending their sixth graders to the middle school, about whether their child will be able to handle it. Their poorer peers are taking care of themselves. Other kids simply don't have access to education because they are migrants or refugees. Others because they are needed all night by their families to beg in the red light district so their family can eat (my friend is actually a part of an informal school which instead of charging tuition, pays a family to let their kids go to school during the day and sleep at night, replacing the income that the kids made by begging). 

It's a large complex issue, one with many root causes, and not one that we were going to solve in five days. But, we did have meaningful conversation about ways we might be able to support one village from one tribe on one mountain in Thailand. We have connections there, people who know this population and can help us understand the roots of why the kids leaving so young, why the families are so broken. It's awesome when similar issues are on several hearts at once and we can see God putting things into motion across the country and region. 

I don't know where God is calling me in all of it. Perhaps only to prayer and to have the conversation. Perhaps to support a future project financially. Perhaps to work in teacher training to help bring better education to the village. But it sure has been exciting to be researching and discussing the economic roots of brokenness and suffering in families and begin looking into how I might be able to come alongside in some small way. 

Note: does this topic interest you? I encourage you to start by checking out World Vision International or one of the other highly successful community based child sponsorship programs. Studies have shown that child sponsorship is one of the most effective methods in helping children in poverty worldwide, especially when done with a holistic community approach like World Vision. Working at the community level allows them to address the economic issues as well as the physical, social, emotional, and spiritual. 

Snarky Teacher

There is a person who visits my classroom from time to time, I like to call her Snarky Teacher- along the same lines as Pheobe's Smelly Cat, only with two syllables. She usually makes only occasional appearances, mostly within the last six weeks of the school year. Not this year. I'm not entirely sure why Snarky Teacher is so present this year, but I do think it's a sign that burn out is here, or coming. I know it has everything to do with me and nothing to do with the children. Their behavior is no worse than any other year. In fact, it may even be better. It's hard to say, I'm too busy being sarcastic to notice.

On the immediate level, I have now cut out just about every after school activity that involves students. At first I was unsuccessful in trying to quit one of the activities (What's up with that? I'm usually a world class quitter!) but was finally successful at it this morning. I'm hoping this helps solve the problem, especially since I don't have a great long term burn out solution at this point. I mean sure, I could quit my job (I have more practice quitting teaching jobs than most teachers) but unfortunately I don't have another means of feeding myself and quitting seems a bit drastic when it's only the fourth week of school. I am feeling lately like I am due for a weekend in Singapore, so maybe I can find a time soon to get away down there and maybe recover a bit of my mojo. 

Until then, I'll keep encouraging Snarky Teacher to keep her mouth shut, the filter on, and the flame burning. One day at a time.

**It should be noted that most of what Snarky Teacher says is only said in her head... 

Picture a day August 29

One of my groups of 8th graders giving me one of my favorite things: peace and quiet. Confession: I love walking around the room on test days, monitoring, thinking, enjoying the quiet, and answering their questions (most of which are either how to do the problem, which I can't answer, or confirmation that directions printed on the paper are in fact what they are supposed to do- ummmm, yes, duh). What I do not enjoy do much is grading the essay questions on their tests for days afterward! 

Picture a day August 27

Look what was delivered to my classroom today by one of my friends! Beautiful pink roses, a mug of hot tea, and an encouraging card. It came in my day of the week when I don't have a prep period and thus teach 350 minutes of math with a 35 minute break for lunch- every week when this day rolls around I consider calling in sick...

The beat goes on...

Well, school is up and running with five days under our belt. Long enough to start to make some observations about my new kiddos and start to settle into a bit of a routine. I enjoy routine, and so far enjoy the kiddos as well. I do not enjoy the alarm clock going off at 5am, but soon I'll adjust to that too, and it won't feel so much like the middle of the night. 

Every year at ICS is different- new colleagues, shifts in friends and relationships.  I'm not a big fan of all the change, but at least it keeps me from getting bored. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever survive at a "normal" school where I work with essentially the same people year after year. Example: the entire sixth grade team has changed over since I got here, including the PE, art, Bible, Mandarin, and some music teachers- and the principal! The Thai teachers are the same, and the computer teacher. And me, of course. It keeps life interesting, even if it does mean I have to renegotiate the social landscape on an annual basis. 

Rainy season is in full swing, as witnessed by today's photo of the day. I don't leave home without an umbrella and enjoy the looming gray sky that settles over the city many evenings, but other than that rainy season doesn't really affect me much. Watch me now get totally soaked while I am out tomorrow evening and completely regret that last sentence... 

Yesterday was Mother's Day in Thailand, and also a holiday. It made me wonder though, if I had school age children, is it really a holiday if they all stay home? I heard once that when the kids are young, the perfect Mother's Day is for all the children to be OUT all day, and then when they grow up the perfect day is for them all to be there at the same time. I can definitely see that! I don't think there are many things my mom enjoys more than all her kids in one place at one time. Happy Mother's Day, Mom! 

Picture a day August 6

Walking up to school today for the first day of school! It went really well. Basically, my job is to make sure that the students in my sixth grade homeroom don't get lost, get lunch, and can open their locker by the end of the day. Anything beyond that is just icing on the cake. 

Graduation Day

Yesterday was HS graduation at ICS and it got me thinking about my own students who are graduating this year. One of my 8th grade classes from BAICA will walk across the stage soon, as will my last group of 6th graders from Lincoln (the rest of my Lincoln students are already college aged, and hopefully IN college, which ummm, doesn't make feel old at all).  At a large high school like Pioneer, graduation is just two hours of torture, but at a small school it is kind of sweet, and every time I have to go to one it makes me want to stick around somewhere long enough to see my own students graduate. I am already setting aside mental space and money to be in Buenos Aires when the class of 2016 graduates, especially if one particular kid is still there.

It would be nice to see the kids that I have poured into make that move from childhood to adulthood. I look at my 8th graders and I look at the Seniors and I marvel at how quickly they grow and change in those four years. What I can't quite imagine is being one of their parents. I love watching the parents during the ceremony. They are looking at their 18 year old, but all they are seeing is the toothless baby grin, the kindergarten Mother's Day card, the awkward preteen enthusiasm, and the tears of teenage drama. For international Seniors, graduation often means moving to another country, another continent, and can mean living thousands of miles away from family- no wonder their moms are crying!

So maybe someday I will get to see my students, my kids, complete that milestone. I want to see the boys who wrote sixth grade poems full of poop jokes and girls who burst into tears when they forgot their PE clothes, the ones who loved reading Geronimo Stilton or struggled to line up their decimals. I want to see them look back and get all sentimental and then walk forward into all that life has for them.


Also, couldn't write this post without congratulating all my graduating cousins this year! Three from high school: Robin, Anna, and Will; one from undergrad: Carolyn; and one who just added an MD to her name: Rachel. Wish I had made it home in time for all the celebrations.

Just another week in Bangkok...

What a week it has been!

A debacle with my (and my friend's) visas to China (we are supposed to leave next Friday... situation yet to be resolved).

Easter Sunday with church and friends.

An overnight with my favorite little people, six month old twins.  The twin I was in charge of for the night only woke up once, but I slept so lightly listening for him all night that I was exhausted!  New respect for motherhood.

A visitor in town for 30 hours- an American that I know from Argentina who currently lives in Switzerland was passing through Bangkok on her way back from Phuket.  So we had a lovely Thai dinner on Tuesday after she got in (and a late night for early-to-bed me) and a fantastic sushi dinner downtown on Wednesday before her flight out (another late night for me).  Great stories, laughs, and catching up. 

Giving the SAT tests at school, eating precious prep periods- blech. And a school laptop being stupid right when I needed to get work done- grrrrrrrr. By Wednesday afternoon when I had our middle school staff meeting I was so tired that I was just on a roll in the meeting, pretty filter-less. The tact button got turned off in the fatigue. Oops. 

And now I am housesitting for a week, watching baseball and being a hermit so I feel more human for this long weekend. I'm sure going to enjoy that holiday on Monday!!

MS Ignite Retreat

This past weekend was our school's annual middle school retreat, called Ignite.  I went along as a chaperone and re-entered the world of middle school youth retreats.  I went on plenty of similar trips when I was in middle school, then accompanied our Jr high youth group at my home church on plenty more, but this was my first one with ICS.  We left school at 2pm Friday for a 5 hour drive(!) to a resort that also sort of functioned as a youth camp. They had great facilities for sports and swimming and a bonfire, in addition to a small ropes course. 

The weekend was high on fun, if low on sleep.  At least the teachers were able to share rooms with teachers, so as long as I couldn't hear the kids from my bed (which I couldn't, bless the Lord) it didn't matter to me how late they stayed up in their own rooms (natural consequences, right?).  We spent Saturday morning doing the ropes course- one of my favorite parts. I loved watching my group try new things, succeeding at some and being able to laugh at themselves on the things they fell off of (into a pond/lakish bit of water).  It was especially great to see the student in my group with special needs be able to participate in most things right alongside her peers. 

My other favorite bit was swimming during the freetime on Saturday afternoon.  After a nice nap I went up to the pool, which had a small slide. The kids were so excited to have a few teachers get in the water and were eager to go down the slide with us. It was cute, and a great way to just spend time with the students in a way that I certainly don't every day!  

This was the first youth trip I'd ever taken that wasn't with Knox, my home church, which made it pretty odd for me. There were so many things I realized that I assumed just happened, or happened in a certain way, because of my time with Knox. The older I get, the more I really appreciate the youth pastor and program that we have there! 

I crashed last night after some dinner and a massage, and felt surprisingly normal today.  The students were already asking me yesterday afternoon if I'd go again next year. We'll see. 

Children of God

Today I was able to witness something beautiful, and what made it beautiful was not just the act, but the unaware simplicity of it. 

New to ICS this year is a middle school LifeSkills program for students who have special needs and are not able to learn in the regular classroom.  The class has two 6th grade girls and I am privileged that they are part of my homeroom.  God has been preparing ICS for this for many years, and my own heart as well, as I've had the opportunity to work with students with special needs in different settings and contexts in the last 9 years.  From inclusion classrooms to rooms for students who are cognitively impaired (the new term for mentally impaired, wait 5 sec and they'll change the lingo again) from preschool all the way up through post-high school to a middle and high school magnet program for autistic students to working with a very special student in Argentina when no program existed for him I have been blessed to see many things that are possible when we open our hearts and our school to all kids. 

The truth is, we all have our limitations, but most of us are better at hiding them.  Even as I write this, I am preparing another post about my limitations- my physical and emotional and spiritual limitations and how God is using them to stretch and pull me into deeper knowledge of him.  People with special needs don't usually have a choice about revealing their limitations, while we can often skirt around ours.  But it doesn't mean they aren't there.

But for ICS, this was all new. I wasn't really worried or concerned about it, mostly because I have seen it work, but many people worried about how this would affect our school, our current students, and our academic standards.  There were concerns about how the students would respond to their new classmates.  But I know ICS kids, and I knew they would rise to the challenge.  Over the past four months I have seen my homeroom (and many other students) reach out and include those who are different in many kind and gentle ways.

Today, one of them blew me away.  A potential new student to the LifeSkills program was visiting, trying things out for the day.  So while I was teaching math first period, their class walked past in the hall and I could see my kids noticing someone new (and different) out there.  I took a minute to explain who she was and encouraged the kids to say hi when they saw her.  As the bell rang and everyone packed up, one girl stayed behind to talk to me. 

"Are they (the LifeSkills girls) allowed to eat lunch at the tables outside?"

When I said yes, that they were welcome to eat anywhere the other middle schoolers could eat, her face lit up and she pulled both her fists back into a triumphant "YES!". 

Little did I know, when she left my room she immediately walked next door and invited all three girls to eat lunch with her and her friends at their table outside.  A few hours later, as I walked into the cafeteria they were all walking out to the table- smiles a mile wide.  And once they were done eating, I saw the whole group running and playing together- taking the hand of the new visiting student to make sure she stayed with them (she can be 'a runner' a times)- a group of girls from four countries with a wide range of weaknesses, some hidden and others not, just being children of God together. 

"While you're young and single"

I always half-chuckle and half-seethe when people tell me that it's so nice that I can teach overseas while I am young and single.  I laugh because with nearly 9 years of teaching experience under my belt, I am not near as young as I appear or as people assume.  I scoff because their comment quietly infers that at some point I will, of course, return and get married like a good girl.  I shrug my shoulders knowing that most of them will never understand that I am not here because I am young and single. 

And I know, people mean well. But I do question some of the assumptions under their words.  I think people would be surprised to find out what percent of my colleagues are "old", or married, or heaven forbid- both.

I did not come here because I need to stretch my wings, because I am young and rootless. If anything, the opposite is true.  I am not right out of college. I am tired of moving and ready for consistency in my life.  I am very strongly rooted in an amazing family in SE Michigan.  I did not come here because I am single.  Yes, being single in this context does have some advantages (It's easier to pick up and move when only one job is needed, not two), but it also carries very strong disadvantages (If all your friends were to decide not to come back all at the same time, at least your best friend isn't going anywhere without you).

I may have landed in international Christian education by happenstance (or perhaps better put: God-stance) over 5 years ago, but I made a clear decision 2 years ago that international Christian ed was my career choice/calling.  It doesn't always fit my personality.  I like things to be decidedly fixed and certain and I live in a community where the only constant is the constant change.  I like living within my comfort zone and I am continually placed in situations that stretch me beyond what I would like them to.

But God has also been incredibly gracious in that.  I am learning, slowly, to deal better with the inevitable unpredictability of life.  One of my friends put it quite well last week when she said, "Clare, you are the most flexible rigid person I know!".  God has dealt graciously with me by allowing me to discover (over the past 5 years) that I love travel and I love languages and I love cultures and history.  And he has given me a career calling where I am able to enjoy and explore all of those things- even when they pull me out of my comfort zone! 

I don't know what all that means for my future.  I don't know how long God will call me to this work- neither in general nor at ICS specifically.  But I do know that for now, this is where he has placed me, so for now, this is where I will stay.  I'm thinking of buying a white painting canvas actually, and hanging it on my bedroom wall, blank and white, as a reminder to let the canvas of my life be open before God, to take the light he has given me for this step I am on and to trust in that.  Even if I am less-young and more-single than I always care to be.