Intertwined: joy and sorrow

I have written before about the intersection of sorrow and joy; this isn't new to me. But a picture says a thousand words, so here is my picture of sorrow in the midst of joy and joy in the midst of sorrow.

This is me, hanging out with the love of my life, my nephew Elliot James. To sit on the deck behind my Grampa's house on a perfect October afternoon and laugh and giggle with Elliot was such a joyous gift. But we gathered there that afternoon to celebrate my Grampa's life, after a long and tearful day at his funeral and burial. It was with a very heavy heart that I traveled to Michigan in early October, compelled by my love for this great man, and by his love for me. 

Even as I'd sat in the church that morning, filled with sadness and pain, there was also joy. Joy that at long last, he was back with my Gramma, that for him there is no more tears or sadness or pain. Joy that he was a man who loved God and walked faithfully with God for many years, that he fought the good fight, that he kept the faith and finished the race. And man, what a race he ran. 

I am thankful. Thankful for the chance to travel back briefly and be with my family. Thankful for the gift of an amazing grandfather, and the gift of having him in my life for nearly 35 years. Thankful for Elliot snuggling in for a nap, and for those precious extra days with him. Thankful for a family that loves and cares for one another. Thankful for many friends and coworkers in Bangkok who made my absence possible. Thankful for being there, something I have learned to never take for granted. Thankful that in the midst of sorrow there is always joy, and that the sorrow in fact teaches us what it is to feel joy. 

With Grampa on my trip to Long Lake in September 2013. 

Summer highlights

If I had to sum up my summer in one phrase, it would be quality time.  The last three consecutive years I've had major summer events of some sort that kept me pretty busy (Argentina, Meg's wedding, then Argentina again), making this summer feel a bit low key. Somehow though, it was still jam packed, and as always, there were things I hoped to do that didn't happen. 

The highlight for sure was the quality time that I got with so many different people.  

One definite highlight of any trip to Michigan is my time with my friends Katie and Cora and their families. If anyone wants tips on how to keep their kids connected to relatives who live far away, these ladies are great models.  It brings me so much joy to see the kids' little faces at the front window when I drive up. Despite the fact that I've lived out of the country for most or all of their short lives, their moms make sure that they know me. I am so thankful for the time I had with them this summer! 

Making and then playing our own board game with Cora and her kids. 

Another highlight was the time I got to spend with my brother Matt. Between my five days in New York and his three in Michigan, I felt like I had more time with him than I have in years.  I also loved that I got to enjoy both of my brothers' cooking this summer. I don't know many (or any!) other expats who return home looking forward to the dinner their brother is going to make for them! 

A rather unexpected highlight was that by the end of the summer, I had managed to see, at least briefly, every single one of my aunts and uncles on both sides of the family.  I think there are 20 of them, and with so many people out of town during the summer months, it was a remarkable feat.  It also meant that I got a lot of time with my family and extended family in general, and that is always awesome.  They are the roots that give me the wings to fly here.  Within the aunt and uncle highlight was the particular time I got with my aunt and uncle in San Jose.  It was really special to get that one-on-one (or two) time with them and I can't wait to go back. 

In California with Aunt Leona and Uncle Dave

A long awaited highlight was the time I got with my friend Holly in Central California.  Ever since she made the decision to leave Bangkok we've were planning this trip and it did not disappoint.  I love that we had hours and hours to talk and that I got to see a little snipet of her life in California.  

With Holly :)

My final weekend in the States brought several great highlights of food and company. My friends Katie and Amy, who I skated with many years ago and both live out of state now, we're both in Ann Arbor visiting family. We had a chance to catch up over a long dinner at Bigalora Friday night. I'm not sure the last time that all three of us were together, but I think it was in the ballpark of five years ago. Then Saturday I went out for a farewell dinner with my mom  and siblings (we missed you Matt and Andrew!) at Bacco, which was amazing. Every single course was just perfect. Then on Sunday we had a bridal shower for my cousin at Bigalora Royal Oak and I wrapped up the weekend with breakfast with Katie and Amy on Monday before a Tuesday morning departure. Whew! 

The most anticipated highlight (and it lived up to its billing) was the quality time I got with my nephew.  I got time with him at family events, time with him at his house, one-on-one time babysitting him, and time with him at Aunts and Elliot Day. It was awesome to be there to see him roll over for the first time and watch him grow and develop over the course of the six weeks.  He was definitely longer and gigglier by the time I left, and he had just learned to sit up and had started eating cereal.  He is just absolutely delightful and I miss him terribly!  In addition to the joy of meeting him, I also really liked seeing my sister and brother-in-law as parents.  They're doing a great job :)  

The day we first met. Yes, I bought him that onesie :) 

What a great mom she is! 

Too cute! 

Our last day together- sitting up like a big boy! 

There were so many other quality time moments sprinkled throughout my summer that made it a lot of fun to be back.  It's never easy to leave everyone and the adjustment back can be a bit rough, but somehow the working crazy hours has made it a bit easier in that at least I don't feel the quiet quite so much.  I'm thankful for all the quality time that God blessed me with on my trip!  

Jet lag brain

I would like to write about my time in Michigan this summer, but that would require processing that is wel beyond my emotional or physical energy right now so instead I will put my feet up, eat a Thin Mint (or two or four) and tell you about my jet lag brain. 

Jet lag brain is defined as doing stupid things all day due to a lack of sleep.  I'm an 8-9 hours a night girl and my first years in Bangkok were blessedly free of jetlag, but lately I have not been so fortunate.  It's Friday night and I haven't slept more than 5 hours a night since Sunday night. That must be a lifetime record for me.  As I result I have done laughably stupid things all day, despite feeling much better than I really should. 

1. I spelled wonderful as "wonerful". On a bullentin board. Redo. 

2. A short time later I hung a line of numbers 1-100 on my classroom wall (for counting the first 100 days of school).  Well, that I was the idea anyway. Somehow I missed 76-80 and skipped right fromm 75 to 81. I was just glad that I only had to redo the last 3/4! 

3. I chose background paper for my jungle animals bullentin board and picked yellow.  Two of the animals are the same exact yellow. So I added some green grass to the bottom so they could be against a green background. But then the animals in the yellow looked like they were floating in midair. A quick text message consult with a friend decided that the floating was just going to be okay. Then I needed to add a sun because the giraffe's neck was too long for the grass resulting in yellow on yellow again. I have lightly tacked everything up now to make sure I like it before finalizing.  I've already adjusted the elephant around 100 times.  Quick project rapidly became a long project.  

The elephant is less angled now, but this is essentially the final product. No, I did not make the animals (credit there goes to my friend Karly), but yes, I did make that grass and I am pretty impressed with myself for that! 

4. Perhaps the mostly costly oops of all- I started a load of laundry without turning the water on (you need to turn it on and off every time you do a load). I discovered my mistake 20-30 min later when the machine was beeping like crazy and flashing all kinds of lights. I got the water on, but it wasn't coming out much and couldn't restart the machine/cycle. I unplugged the washer and plugged it back in because that fixes everything, right? Now it won't even turn on. Sigh. 

Luckily there are new coin operated machines on the ground floor of my building that I can use tomorrow night. Here's to hoping that I'll actually sleep tonight!  

California Dreamin

This past week I had the privilege to spend some time with family and friends in Central and Northern California. I had a few days with my friend Holly and then a few days with my Aunt Leona and Uncle Dave. Holly and I taught together at ICS before she moved to Central California a year ago. We started our trip in San Jose, traveling down the coast through Monterey, Carmel, and the Big Sur area, before catching the sunset in Cambria and finishing our drive at her home in Paso Robles. The drive was absolutely stunning, as was the company. We had a great breakfast with Holly's family the next morning and then we spent Friday in Paso Robles and San Luis Obispo and had oceanside apps and cocktails at Avila Beach before another beautiful sunset. It was so good to spend time with Holly after just talking via Skype for the last year!

On Saturday, Dave and Leona joined us for wine tasting in the Paso Robles region. With most of my wine tasting experience coming in deep Argentine reds and Malbecs, it was a lot of fun to taste a variety of wines from small vineyards in the area. At the end of the day, We ended the day at my uncle's favorite brewery, and then I head back to San Jose with them

After a lazy Sunday morning, Dave, Leona, and I went for a beach walk and tide pool exploration in Carmel. The sunny weather was perfect and it was a refreshing change to be on a gorgeous beach that wasn't 95 degrees and humid! We explored the charming town of Carmel a bit before heading to the Monterey Aquarium for their summer live music evening. The aquarium itself was amazing, and that much more fun for the evening atmosphere (and lack of hoards of children). For my last day we drove north to Napa for a couple of tours and tastings, fulfilling a lifelong dream of mine to visit Napa Valley. It lived up to everything I imagined, and more. We had a special dinner at home that night before I flew out the next morning. 

It was a wonderful week that left me asking, can I do this every year? 

New York!

This past weekend I got to go to New York to visit my brother.  I love NYC, but I've been several times in the last few years so we decided to spend some time outside the city and rented an Airbnb in the Catskills for two nights.  I got some time in lower Manhattan on Friday before while Matt worked and then we drove north with his girlfriend, his dog, and his roommate's dog.  It was a crowded car, but it worked.  Like any good up north trip, our activities primarily consisted of hiking and discussing, planning, preparing, and eating great meals.  Our cabin was next to a pond near the small town of Walden, NY.  Almost like being at Walden Pond, almost.  The cabin had a screened in porch overlooking the pond that we found was the perfect breakfast spot. And appetizer spot. And dinner spot. 

Saturday was cold and a bit wet so our hike got cut a bit short and we had a nice big lunch in town before heading back and going for a long walk in the woods behind the cabin.  On Sunday afternoon we hiked in Harriman State Park on our way back to the city.  It was a beautiful day, gorgeous hike in the hills, and perfect ending to the trip.  On Monday I got my city fix with a visit to the Tenement Museum, Central Park, the MET, and a cafe while Matt worked and then a great evening with dinner and drinks in the Lower East Side.  Tuesday I got time in Matt's neighborhood, Ridgewood, which I really enjoy, before flying back to Detroit.  I can't wait to go back next year!  

Saturday hike to the waterfall in Minnewaska State Park 

Wildflowers and woods behind the cabin. 

Start of the Sunday hike in Harriman State Park 

Lunch in Central Park 

Ten Years Ago

Ten years ago this week I went on a "once in a lifetime" trip to Argentina to visit my brother at the end of his study abroad semester.  Over the course of the two weeks I was there I fell in love with the country and rekindled the love of travel that I had discovered on my own study abroad semester a few years earlier in Aberdeen, Scotland. Those two weeks I spent in Argentina drastically changed the last decade of my life, leading me to move to Buenos Aires myself two years later, and then on to Bangkok a few years after that.  I never could have imagined this international teacher life- that someone would pay me to teach in a Christian school in a foreign country where the perks include introducing students to Christ and traveling on weekends.  I never imagined as I struggled with caring about high school and college German classes because "when would I ever use a foreign language?!" that years later I would speak Spanish and even a little bit of Thai (and spend a week in Austria during college really wishing I'd paid attention in German class!).  

My life in Bangkok comes with a great many sacrifices, but it also comes with much joy, great adventure, and a daily life that feel amazingly normal to me now.  The more I travel and live, the more I leave pieces of my heart scattered around the globe.  The more people and cutlures that I encounter the more beauty and suffering I see in the rainbow of faces around me.  I love being a part of this global community, love living as an ambassador for Jesus in a land where his name is barely known.  I hate the unknowns, the how longs, the what nexts.  But I love the present, the todays.  I love summers in Michigan and around the US, connecting with friends and family around the world.  

In the ten years since I stepped off that flight at Ezeiza airport (to a baggage handlers strike and a swarm of angry Argentines, I might add) I have changed in ways I never could have predicted, shaped into something new by both the beauty of it all and the pain that accompanies.  So the next ten years? I don't think I can even begin to imagine.  

Abundantly blessed

Admittedly, my blog posts aren't always the most, upbeat, exactly.  It's hard sometimes when you're a bit of a pessimist, or as my friend says, a practical realistic pessimist.  I'm generally much better at calamity than hope.  But this blog post isn't about the weight of the world or the intermingled joy and struggle of serving abroad or the heartbreaking realities of life around us.

This past week I was booking some flights, again.  I have done that a lot lately.  In the past few months I've booked flights to Singapore (I went for a weekend in March), to the US for the summer, and to Chiang Rai (in northern Thailand) for later this week.  This week I got tickets to go to central and northern California in July to spend time with friends and relatives.  And now that that itinerary is in place, I am working on the dates in June to go see my brother in New York.  Right around when I hit the button to finalize the purchase last week, it hit me.  I am so abundantly blessed.  

And not just by air travel, which I actually enjoy less and less every year (though my love of the people on the other side of flights keeps me at it), but by many many blessings that factor in and make the travel possible.  I started reflecting on the myriad of gifts that I have been given and am trying to spend time just appreciating them and recognizing them.  

I have a great job, which I enjoy and which allows me to openly serve and teach about God.  I have friends and family in many places who welcome me with open arms whenever I have opportunities to visit.  I get to live in a beautiful foreign country where the cost of living is low enough that I can afford luxuries like travel.  I work in an industry where I have extended time off every year to back to the States- I don't think I could do life here otherwise.  I have good friends here to travel with.  I have several "shorter" times off during the year to explore this part of the world.  I have family members who spend considerable time each summer shuttling me to and from the airport.  I have friends here who are like family. My sister sends me daily photos and videos of my nephew. 

Okay, that last one has nothing to do with my travel, but it's a pretty great blessing all the same.  It's always easy for me to look at life as half empty- rest assured life here is just daily life and carries all of the usual ups and downs of life on planet earth.  I complain about my aching back (which has been particularly bad lately since I haven't been working out and thus stretching enough) and other minor ailments, even though I'm generally healthy. I sigh and keep walking right past the dirty dishes in the sink, too tired to care.  I get lonely living here on my own, even in the midst of much coveted down time. I worry about the future and the when and what next- when the ink isn't even dry on my newest contract yet.  I look at daily life and see absent friends who have moved on to other adventures, instead of seeing the faces of the newer friends who have walked into my life this year, who I want to get to know more.  

Truth is, life isn't half empty, nor even just barely full. My cup runneth over.  But not because it's perfect or never stressful or lonely or any of those other things I often focus on.  God has been incredibly gracious in many tangible gifts, but also in the gift of himself.  While I certainly enjoy the many ways that God has blessed me recently, I am even more grateful for ways he has grown my knowledge and understanding of him. This season of lent was particularly beneficial in seeing areas of sin that needed to be dealt with and ways that I had not fully been acknowledging or accepting his grace, not really believing and living that la vida eterna starts now.  The other blessings might not feel so "blessed" without that bit.  So yeah, even in the midst of many normal every day struggles of life, I can see that I do live a great life and serve a great God. And for that, I am so very thankful. 

Michigan Adventures

Following my time in New York, I've spent the last two weeks bouncing around Michigan, some time in Detroit/Ann Arbor, then Grand Rapids, some time Up North, and now back to Detroit/Ann Arbor. I've had a great time and have had good quality time with so many people. It's hard to believe that my summer is quickly coming to an end. I fly back on Thursday and start work next Monday! 

Clockwise from top left: an evening on Portage Lake, sisters overlooking the 18th green of Arcadia Bluffs, dune climb (I did not make it to the top), Mike putting on the 18th, and Lake Michigan view at the end of my run. 

Clockwise from top left: lunch at the new brewery in Frankfort, the Portage Lake channel into the big lake, view from wine tasting in Leelenau, boat ride on Lake Michigan, Thai spicy steak salad made by Mike as part of our Thai diner. 

Our trip Up North was in honor of my mom's birthday, which isn't until August but this is when we could all be there. We had a great birthday dinner on the last night and got a family picture that even has me in it :) 

Last night I had a chance to see most of the Collins women one last time for a fun evening with lots of laughter. 

New York weekend

Like many people, I love New York. Luckily, my brother moved there 3 years ago :) This past weekend I got to go visit and spend a few days with him and enjoy one of my favorite cities. One thing I really enjoy when I travel is exploring neighborhoods, so we spent some time walking and biking around Queens and Brooklyn. We took the dog for a walk, played catch in the park, visited Matt's plot at the community garden, and ate at some favorite local spots. I got to eat Mexican, Dominican, Korean, Argentine, and Italian food, as well as fish and veggies on the grill. On Sunday afternoon we biked across Brooklyn to the New York Transport Musuem and Prospect Park. It was also really fun to be there during the World Cup and watch a few of those games. The highlight for me of any trip to New York is seeing a play, so on Saturday night we went to see The Cripple of Inishmaan. It was a fantastic play (hilarious dialogue but also deep and thoughtful) and great evening. Of course, the best part of the weekend was getting to do all these things with my brother :) 

Hellos and Good-byes

These 12 days in Argentina have flown by, while at the same time I feel like I've been here forever. It's been really good to be here and it's always a bit sad to leave, but at the same time I leave with a sense of peace and gratitude for this time and ready for the next phase of my summer. Last night, Ecclesiastes 3:1 came to mind: For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. I feel like this is the theme of my summer this year- an ending to seasons in Bangkok as friends leave, connecting with the season I spent in Buenos Aires, preparing for the seasons ahead in Bangkok and in life. There is a time and place for each one and as even good seasons pass, we have to let them go. I am grateful for friendships that extend beyond place and time zone, and for technology that keeps us close despite the distance. 

Feeling at home

I am enjoying these days in Buenos Aires so much, especially now that my brain has adjusted and things just feel familiar and comfortable. I am watching the World Cup with friends, going to favorite restaurants and cafés, taking walks and talking, and just being around town and feeling at home. The weather, though maybe a bit cool when the sun is down, has been pretty cooperative and I have enjoyed being outside and not sweating. It's awesome to be able to walk places- both in terms of a neighborhood that is walkable and a climate that allows me to walk without freezing or melting.

One of my friends from Bangkok is returning to the US this month after 5 years in Thailand and recently wrote this blog post about how leaving is so much more than people and places, but is the end of an era of life.  I've been thinking about that this week as I've been here, and that mixed in with missing so many people and places here, I also miss who I am when I am among them. I miss the parts of my personality that come out when I speak Spanish or walk these cobbled street or spend time with these friends. That, perhaps, is the hardest part to let go of. And the idea is true no matter where I am, that I miss the parts of me that come out most in the US or Thailand or wherever. It's part, I suppose, of being a third culture adult and learning to adapt to different cultures and communities.  It's a blessing too, to discover these other facets of who we are and to know in very real ways that no matter where we go, God goes with us, that he is the prime constant in all the moving and changing. 

These next few days will be a joy and challenge as I say good bye again to friends here, some of whom are moving this week or in the next year or so, and won't be here if/when I come back. But we say good bye with another set of laughter and memories and days when we were able to just be there. 

Not my best picture, but yes, my best restaurant! 

Seeing my family around the city

I have been blessed, both here in Buenos Aires and now also in Bangkok, to have lots of family visit. One of the joys of this is that I "see" them as I walk around the cities. Yesterday walking around my old neighborhood I passed the empty lot where Matt and I played catch. Today I went to the Japanese Garden, a place I've only been once before: with my Dad. Tomorrow I will have dinner at my favorite restaurant in the city, Las Cholas, which I discovered with Meg (and later took everyone to, since she was the first visitor). When I walked through the feria on Sunday, I remembered shopping there with my mom. In Bangkok, I see my family in so many places, and even though it sometimes makes me a little bit sad, I am also always glad to have shared those places and foods and experiences with them. It so much helps me to connect all my worlds together when they understand my life a little bit and then I can see them in my memories all around town. 

Back to Buenos Aires

Buenos Aires, Argentina. A city, place, people who will always have a place in my heart. As I sat in on the last day of school at BAICA and the staff farewell that followed, I was reminded of everything and everyone here that I love. In some ways it was like ripping my heart out all over again, and I was practically in tears throughout it, but at the same time it was good. I got to see all the ways the school has grown and changed, I was able to reconnect with beloved students, and I was reminded of a part of my life that was so good and healing for me in many ways. It is equal parts hard and wonderful to be here and I am truly blessed and grateful that I can make the trip. And, it's always good for me to continue to process this place and it's role in my life. Four years later there are many things that are different and many that haven't changed at all, making everything feel at once foreign and familiar. I understand most of the Spanish coming at me, but feel very shy to respond- the words don't roll off the tongue anymore, vocab escapes me, and any shot I had at verb tense before is completely gone. But still, in brave moments, I try. The first three days here have been full of hugs and laughter and catching up and adventures. As my brain adjusts to being back I feel more and more at peace with having come, and look forward to the days ahead. 

At school with students 

Horse riding at the estancia 

Parrilla lunch at the estancia. 

Off again!

After five great days in Michigan, I leave in a few hours for a two week stop in Buenos Aires to visit with dear friends and former students. The past few days have been full of family and friends and good food, and luckily a fair amount of sleep too. From family dinners with a backyard bonfire to my Grandpa's birthday party and dinner with friends to being Godmother to a delightful baby girl, it has been a wonderful whirlwind start to my summer. Tomorrow morning, just in time for the start of the World Cup, I will be in winter for the first time in two years. While I will relish the chance to bundle up and drink tea, I am sure there will be plenty of complaining to go with those cooler temps. My goal for this summer as I pinball from place to place constantly? Just be there. Wherever I am, be fully there. 

So happy to be there with these dear friends for Josephine's big day! 

Home on the range: initial impressions in America

You would think after so many years and trips back to the US that these sorts of things wouldn't surprise me anymore, but I still get a good chuckle, every time. 

- It's cold at night. I'm not used to the temperature dropping much overnight or thinking to bring warmer clothes if I will be out in the evening. Last night, I ended up in my dress and cardigan plus my sister-in-law's pants, socks, and jacket. With a cup of tea. I was quite a picture. 

- Meijer. I usually try to avoid big box stores for a few days, but I wound up at Meijer twice within the first day and a half. I was completely overwhelmed by the juice aisle. Not the juice section or shelf or whatever, but an entire massive aisle of juice and juice-like beverages. Crazy. 

- Americans. This country is full of em. Never ceases to amaze me. 

- Green. And not just in the countryside. But green and space and large patches of grass. Everywhere. 

- Running into a friend from high school in the produce section at Meijer. Since I don't come "home" to my hometown, I don't really expect that. It was so out of context that I was blanking out on her name for half the conversation, but definitely even weirder for her- at least I knew that I was in the country! 

- Food. So much of it. So delicious. 

- Being outside. In Bangkok, due to many factors like space, heat, pollution, noise, etc. people rarely have outdoor entertaining spaces, but yesterday I got to spend most of the day enjoying beautiful decks and backyards at my aunt and uncle's house, and then at my brother and sister-in-laws. We even had a bonfire after dinner! 

An expat staycation

One of the great advantages of being an expat is the travel. Singapore for the weekend. Tropical beach just because. China for spring break. Michigan in the summer. But that can have a downside too, namely that whenever you have time off, you are on the road so you never get to just "be" at home. This past week I spent my spring break at home. And it was glorious. Lazy mornings in my own bed. Dinners with friends. A baseball game or two. A haircut. A pedicure. A massage. Afternoons spent with friends who will be leaving in June. A book no longer waiting to be read.  A seafood lunch with a non-teacher friend I just don't see often enough. And at the end of the week my body is rested, my house is clean, and my laundry is done. I do love to travel, and can't wait for my adventures in June and July, but it does feel pretty nice to have just lived life at home for the past week and not need to unpack and resettle and recover from vacation. 

Elephants in Chiang Mai

Last weekend Robin and I had the chance to go to Chiang Mai and spent a day at Elephant Nature Park. There are many 'elephant options' there but this one seemed like the best fit for her. The park is an elephant rescue center that has morphed into more of an animal rescue center. After the floods in 2011 they rescued dogs trapped in the floods and now have over 400 of them living in the park. They don't let you ride the elephants, but you are able to feed them, bathe them, and spend a fair amount of time just watching them. You also get to be pretty up close and personal with them at times, which leads to some great pictures. We spend the rest of our time in CM eating amazing food, exploring markets, visiting a temple, lounging by the pool, and getting a massage. Great weekend! 

Feeding time 

I was nervous that bathing time would be full on swimming with them, but we just splashed huge with water, which was fun. And then they promptly went and rolled in the mud again. I guess it keeps them cool and acts like sunscreen. 

Baby elephant in her way to roll in the mud.

Robin really enjoyed the many dogs at the park!