Questions

Kids who grow up overseas often don't like the whole "where are you from?" kinds of questions because there aren't easy answers. They pick and choose when to give some sort of US location they have an affiliation with and when to give the answer that will bring the reactions and questions. I have found it to be similar as an adult moving overseas, except that the questions I cringe at are different. The what do you do or where do you work is the worst. Sometimes you can get away with "I teach" or even just by saying you're subbing this year. Sometimes I just don't want to go into the where and why of my current job because it just isn't quick, people don't expect it, and they either get an insufficient answer or one they just don't know what to do with. As a sub, I'm often asked at work if I have any job prospects. No easy way to answer that one without an explanation. Then there are the situations where I need things done a certain way or in a specific time frame because I'm leaving, and there just isn't an easy way to get it done without launching into the story. There are, of course, times when I don't mind going into the whole bit, but it can get tiresome, and some people really don't know how to react. But I have also noticed that part of what makes it more draining is my pride. I don't want people to know I live at my mom's or that I sub without them knowing the why. Too often I find myself giving the explanation just to save face, which maybe makes me just a little bit Thai. But I have also discovered the best defense to questions is a good offense. If someone is too busy telling me about their job or life they don't usually notice to ask me. That technique might not work so well with the lady on the phone from the grad school who wants to put me on their mailing list, though she should be able to handle a simple no. In a few months the job question will get easier, or at least hopefully easier to just say I teach, but the "Where do you live?" does get a whole lot harder on visits...

Summer Job!

God has been so faithful in providing for me this year (and always).  Ever since roughly Thanksgiving I've had extremely steady work, and most of it has been at my favorite school.  My subbing schedule is nearly full already for the rest of the school year, though I am taking the last week of school off in order to go Up North to Long Lake with my family.  I've been so blessed to be teaching in a great building, where I hardly feel like a sub anymore.  And last week the Principal asked me if I would be willing to teach their 3 week Summer Academy.  It starts immediately after school ends and goes until July 8th, leaving me 10 days until I leave.  The program will run from 8:30-11:30 in the morning and I can do my (paid) prep and planning at school, at home, by the pool, etc.  Because this program is similar to a summer school program, the pay is comparable to teacher pay so I will actually earn more per day just working in the mornings than I do now subbing all day.  Nearly 50% more.  The job also has the advantage of getting me up and out of bed and being productive, while still giving me every afternoon off. It won't be easy an easy job- it's a tough group of kids- but I'll only have 10 kids at a time and should be able to do some fun/interesting things with them.  The job and extra money will be such a blessing in my first weeks and months in Thailand, helping with so many up front costs to moving into a new apartment, paying baggage fees with the airlines, etc.  And I love how God provided this completely out of the blue- it literally walked into my classroom and was mine for the taking (the teachers at the school had first dibs I guess, but big surprise, no one wanted it, so they asked me).  Jehovah Jireh! 

Torn

Today is a day when I feel inexplicably torn between worlds. It is my friend's birthday, and as she celebrates in Buenos Aires, I wish I could be there. I was able to skype with her for a few minutes and sent a small package of goodies, but it's not the same. I miss her. I miss being there. And at the same time, I am getting so excited for Thailand. All the new teachers at ICS have to send in a short bio and photo, which they put up on the intranet. And as those come in and I'm able to start to learn a little bit about my fellow new teachers, it reminds me of all of the wonderful friends I made in Argentina and how God is preparing friendships for me in Thailand, even now. I am excited to meet them, and the teachers that are already there- excited to just be in Thailand and start serving. And yet, I still have a little over 2 months to wait. And at the same time, I am enjoying spring in Michigan. I'm watching Tigers games with my family, running outside, having dinner with friends- last weekend I was actually able to attend a friend's wedding, a rare thing for me these past few years. And while all these times don't entice me to stay, they do remind me of what I am giving up when I go.

And yet even in the midst of all of this, I read Psalm 23 and I know I have a Good Shepherd. I am being led to green pastures; I am being watched after and cared for. I am deeply loved. The emotions of transition are a bit crazy, but they never interfere with the call God has on my heart. I had the best conversation last weekend with someone at the wedding- she was a youth group volunteer back when I was in high school- and it just fired me up even more for the work ahead in Thailand. She is heavily involved in short term medical missions and her passion and love for God and for people shines through her all the time. It's infectious. Talking with her was such an encouragement to me at a juncture when it would be easy to be discouraged, easy to let the transition emotions dampen my excitement for what God has in front of me.

So even when I wish I could split myself into three and be everywhere I want to be all at once, I trust that I can confidently follow the One who leads me down paths of righteousness, not for my benefit, but for the sake of his Name.

Thoughts on Mothers

In the past month or so I've had the opportunity to be a 'substitute mom' for a few days to some of my cousins when their parents were out of town and I stayed with them. I've also been able to see my own mom in action when I, at 30 years old, needed her. Needless to say, the experiences have given me a whole new appreciation for moms and what Motherhood is all about and I figured this weekend of Mother's Day was a good time to comment on it. Here are a few of my observations:

• Being responsible for someone else changes your perspective on everything. Your thinking and planning no longer centers on yourself. It's a subtle but significant shift. It's not about you any more.
  
• Vegetables matter. I'll be honest, when I make dinner for myself I don't make a lot of veggies. I do love veggies, but let's be honest, they're a bit of a pain to prepare. But when thinking about dinner and preparing dinner for my cousins it suddenly became not so much of a pain in the butt because, well, veggies and being healthy matter. I think we had some sort of vegetable at just about every dinner growing up. Must have been real annoying, but she did it because it was good for us.
  
• Moms have to get out of bed and off the couch. This may sound simple, but for part of the time I was with some of my cousins I had a nasty cold. Left to my own devices I would have spent several of those days in bed or on the couch, certainly not up and about and showered. But when other people are relying on you, getting up is not really an option.
• Routines matter and details matter. I've noticed this with young kids when I substitute teach ("Mrs. So-and-so always stands on the other side of the calendar") but it matters just as much at home. One day I forgot the napkins (2- one for a placemat and one to use) in my cousin's lunch, and was asked very politely by a 6 year old if I could make sure to remember them tomorrow:) Moms establish those routines and follow through with them day in and day out.
  
• Mothering never ends. When you are 30 years old and you can't sleep in the middle of the night because you can't lay down because of your sinuses and you're miserable and you don't know what to do about it- you call Mom. And she shows up the next day with sinus rinse and drugs and TLC. Because that's what mom's do. And when you're still sick and you have friends come visit she helps you be the hostess because it's taking all your energy just to get off the couch.

My mom has been doing all this and much much more for 32 years. She watched soccer games and baseball games when I'm sure she'd rather have not. She spent weekends at skating competitions, was woken up in the middle of the night too many times to count, and even now that her children are older, she is still often their first phone call. She's still Dr. Mom. She's the dog-sitter and dinner cooker and holiday tradition upholder. In particular, this past year of my life would not have been possible without her. I live in her house and eat her food and drive her car and leave bits of food in the sink (somehow I can never rinse it out quite well enough) and yet she never complains (ok, maybe just about the sink) and I think, maybe, is even glad that I am here. And that is quite a Mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

Flights, Camera, Action!

Well, though not quite 100% finalized, I have finally seen the basic itinerary for my trip to Bangkok. As predicted, it appears I'll be leaving on July 18th and arriving there on the 19th. I'll be going from Detroit to Chicago (45 min), then to Seoul (14 hours), and then to Bangkok (nearly 6 hours). Total travel time should be about 24 hours. Luckily, I'll land at 10pm, so by the time I get to my apartment I'll have been traveling for a good 30 hours or so, it will be late, I will be ready for bed, and it will actually be night time! I still sort of doubt how much I'll sleep that night, but it does sound better to me than arriving in the morning and trying to stay up all day when all I want to do is sleep or throw up from being so tired.

Just seeing a flight schedule makes the whole thing seem so much closer, so much more real. I love it.

In the meantime I am soaking up all the time with family and friends that I can. I've decided not to sub at all the last week of school, in part so that I can spend that week at Long Lake with my family, but also in part because I am SICK OF SUBBING! This maternity leave job ends on Monday and while the consistency has been nice, her students are pretty nuts, so I'm quite happy she's coming back.

PS- It's May. Why isn't it warm yet???? I thought I would be done complaining about the Michigan cold by this point in the year...

No fear of bad news

Psalm 112:7 says, "They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord."

I've been thinking a lot about this verse lately, as the past two weeks have been riddled with news of tragedy. A co-worker and father of three young children comes closer to the end of his battle with cancer; a Hope Professor dies giving birth to her first child; a guy from my hometown who graduated from Hope with me is killed instantly when his car hits the median driving home from work; a second cousin is found dead in his off-campus apartment of an apparent suicide. As I have heard each one of these stories I find myself thinking most of the family left behind, those that receive the phone calls, that deal with the aftermath, the lifetime of grief.

And my mind has kept coming back to Psalm 112, grappling to understand how we are to have no fear of bad news in the face of such bad news- every one of the families affected by these events are Christians. I think somehow, the key to the verse is the second half, the steadfast trust in the Lord that allows us to not fear, even in the midst of bad news, and in the following verse. The next verse, verse 8, says "Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes." Our trust and security do not come because we know that we will never be touched by tragedy, that we will never receive 'that phone call' or never experience the pain of sorrow and death. We have no fear because in the end, we have the victory in Jesus Christ. We have no fear because of the promise of eternal life. Psalm 112 doesn't say that we have no sorrow or pain, that immeasurable grief won't come our way. As Pa Tuck said in Tuck Everlasting, dying is a part of living, without it we are like rocks at the side of the road.

This weekend we remember and celebrate Jesus' death and resurrection, his sacrifice that allows us to live victorious over the grave: "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:55. In the face of such grief and tough news, I cling to the hope we have in Christ, that he walks with us, never leaving us alone.

Treasures in Heaven

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've blogged! Lots going on, in life, in my head, in my heart. I've been working hard in another long term sub position, and finding it much more challenging than the last. At the same time, I have enjoyed the consistency, especially being in the same building as before, where the staff has really welcomed me and made me feel at home.

During spring break I had the opportunity to stay with two of my cousins for a week while their parents were gone and really enjoyed hanging out with them. Unfortunately I got the World's Worst Cold during that time, which was just hitting it's peak when two of my friends came to visit for a few days. It was awesome to see the girls, but I felt really bad not being able to do much with them. By last weekend I was beginning to be able to sleep a bit at night, but also came down with laryngitis- not a great thing for a teacher! I limped through this week at work and am finally back to nearly 100% voice.

I'm also plugging away on preparations for Thailand and have taken great steps in completing my paperwork. Emotionally, the preparation is coming along as well. I'm working on various plans and places to go and people to see before I leave (in 3 short months!). God has definitely been at work in my heart, helping me to appreciate these moments while still getting ready for this new chapter.

Lately I've been struck by the fragility of life and the hope that we have in Christ- how all the rest of it just means so little. Ecclesiastes resonates in my head, 'meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless!' as it becomes more and more clear to me what really lasts. I was watching the third Narnia movie last weekend with my friends and one scene jumped out with me: when Eustace finds the dragon's treasure and his eyes get real big and he starts scooping up as much of it as possible. We, the reader/viewer, know how futile it is, how no matter how much he picks up, he can't take it with him. How much time and energy I spend trying to gather up what I can't take with me! My prayer is that no matter where I am, here or Thailand or elsewhere, I would spend my time and energy and resources to store up that which lasts.